As I was bathing my little Bishop, that is my son’s nick name, David. David is only 16 months and super cute, am not just saying that because I’m his mom! You betcha he’s a handsome little fella with the biggest smile.
My mind begins to wander while I stared into his smiling face, questions rushing thru my mind. One of the questions was Does Mama Really Knows Best?
It got me thinking about my mother, then about myself now a mother of 2 children. Do I really know what is best for them?
After all, they didn’t come with any manuals, you can buy books on raising children but all children are not alike. They are totally and completely different and you can not raise them the same way.
My desire to be a mom does not necessary mean that I will be a good one or am up to task of dealing with what it takes to do the job correctly.
I have my hourly, daily, weekly, monthly struggles in order to perform my role to the best of my abilities. Sometimes the children gives me this look (when I am stressed out) like ‘what is she doing’? At least i thought that was what they were thinking, maybe its ‘get a grip woman’.
I speak in tongues daily against my desire to do so, the staggering task ahead of me daily makes me break out in tongues. Once am done writing this piece I will break out in more tongues, as I still have the dishes, laundry, folding, packing etc to do! That is why it is good to have God on my side, trying to raise children without God is absolute madness.
Yet, no one else looked forward to being a mom as much as I did. Still I have my regular doubts, but you can’t stay in doubt for long the next round of doo doo will soon snap you right out of your thinking.
What an immeasurable task it is to raise a life. The responsibility of nurturing, guiding, being a good example, teaching, making sure that they get with all their educational, mental and social development. Countless and countless of roles you have to play and wearing different caps; be the mom, be the friend, be the role model, be this and that!
Sometimes I worry just thinking about it, then again you can’t worry for long around our house, same for most houses where they have children.
My mind wonders to this question in particular. As parents, can we always be sure that the decisions we make for them are right?
We have so many angry and messed up people out there because of divorces, adoptions, single parenting, deadbeat dads etc
My focus is mainly on “Mamas” because most of the time (not all the time) when families disengage, Mamas’ are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces.
Most times we do a very good job, other times we are barely children needing our mama too. Children raising children, a recipe for disaster.
Often the circumstances surrounding the birth of a child is not all celebrated, mothers makes decisions to leave abusive relationships so they can raise their child in a safe and loving atmosphere, divorce happens too, painful decisions to give up a child for adoption is no joke for any mother. All of this factors even though taken in goodwill sometimes have negative effects on the same children one tried to protect.
I can’t help thinking that mothers can’t win, whichever decision was made 10 plus years ago is coming back to hunt and bite them in the face.
When we are left to ourselves to raise up the new generation, future leaders, world shakers. But Mama is not equipped, she doesn’t have what it takes to do a good job, because nothing could have prepared her for the role of her life. Some are just making do, doing whatever it takes to win the battle today.
Hindsight is always 20 20, then it is too late. The damage is done and you can not go back and rewrite history or make right the wrongs.
When Dodie Osteen visited our church at Houston Worship Centre, she shared with us how she wrote letters to her children and others asking for forgiveness, when she found out that she had cancer and was given weeks to live. Mama Dodie Osteen was healed of cancer and she is still alive today sharing her testimony.
Mothers, let us take a good look at ourselves, we are not perfect. As parent we do make mistakes, right in front of our children. More is caught than taught, look back at some of the decisions you have made that had contributed and shaped their lives in a negative way.
Write a love letter of apology to that child today while there is still time to make a difference. Better still call them up, acknowledge you made some mistakes and you are sorry because you did not know any better yourself.
Note to self: I’m not ever expecting my mother to ever apologize for nothing, African Mamas usually don’t do stuff like that. They are the Mama and you are the child, end of. Most African Mamas will tell you, I fed you, clean up after you, you should be glad and stop talking soft. Lol, I’m not joking that is the way our Mama’s are.
We, the new generation don’t have to be like that, let us learn from their mistakes and do better with our children. Our parents did the best with what they had and I commend them for a job well done. Our generation have better access to information and technology. What good are we putting them to?
If you are a father reading this post, feel free to do the same also. Check out my post on Joseph, The forgotten
CAUTION – Please don’t do this expecting your child/ren to response back positively. It all depend on what kind of relationship you have now and where they are on their own journey. Also remember you have had time to process this information and they haven’t. Only do this with the right motives, in time hopefully not too long they will come to accept your apologies and see the sincerity of your heart..
Why apologize now?
You are leaving a lasting legacy for your children, you may not have been able to right all the wrongs. You sure can leave a legacy of love and humility. I can assure you they will come to appreciate it when they also becomes a parent. Every new parents always have that moment in their parent’s shoe to see what you have had to deal with.
A Legacy of love and humility will far outshine that of “Mama is always right”.