Friends or Frenemies – Part 2

In Part 1, I talked about my emotional melt down and pity-party, how I felt alone and friendless. Thank God we don’t walk by feelings alone.

I might have had my moments of pity-party but I did not completely lose my mind to assume that my friends are bad.

There are different levels of relationships and once you identify them for what they really are. You will save yourself a lot of heartbreak, disappointment and unrealistic expectations.

Take an inventory of those in your life and drop the dead weight that are holding you back. Where God is taking you, you can’t take Lot with you. If God had already taken Lot out of your life, don’t invite him back or look back like Lot’s wife did.

Different types of friendships.

1. Church friends – These are friends that you attend the same church with. These relationships can develop into deep friendship but a lot of the times they are just church friends. They might not necessarily call you if you’re absent from the church for weeks. It doesn’t mean that they are bad friends, they might not want to over step their boundaries. If you invest more effort in these friendships it can certainly develop into a beautiful relationship simply because you have the love of God in common.

2. Online friends – These are your cyber friends that you met online such as Facebook, blogs etc.  You only really talk to them when you are online and they don’t have your contact details other than email address. Means of communication is usually thru Messengers, Skype, etc.

Can this type of friendship developed to real friendship? Yes but not all the time. They don’t know the real you and in cyberspace, it is so easy to create a false persona. You might be true to yourself but how do you know that they are whom they profess to be? Take these relationships nice and slow and you could have a pen-pal friendship in the end but tread with caution.

3. Casual friends – these are friends that have your telephone number but only call you once in a while. They have a busy lifestyle and you just talk shop with them, nothing serious or life changing. They are not after you for anything, just checking on you and moving on. With time they can become great lifelong friends. They might be mothers of toddlers and Stay-At-Home-Moms who really don’t have a lot of spare time to commit to a relationship simply because they are exhausted.

4. Agony Aunt Friends – These types of friends only call you when they have problem or drama going on. They don’t necessarily need your advice but when they do need to vent all their feelings out, they will call you. Be a good listener to them and watch for clues if they need your advice. They are good people but they are going thru stuff right now and they see you as someone who has a positive effect on them. Calls are usually one way with them doing the calling. These type of friendship often leave you drained after talking to them, they may never add to you but will suck the life out of you. Only have few of them to pour into.

5. Nosy parkers – We have a popular coined-name for people like these in Nigeria, we call them Amebo (gossipers). They are only out for information about your life, the bible calls them prognosticators. Is 47:13 (NKJ)   Whenever they call you they are just fishing for information about you, your life and what are you doing now or next? They are into you so that they can know your next move. Once you know who they are, best let their calls go to voicemail or get ready for interrogation. These kinds of friends are not good for you; they see you as being better than them and always ahead of them in everything. While they see themselves as always playing catch-up, I won’t worry about changing their mindset, don’t waste your energy on them. The less of this type of friendship, the better!

6. Mature friends – They are older than you and might not call you all the time but whenever you call them. They are there to listen and offer guidance; they are to be respected and appreciated. They are full of wisdom that you will need on your life journey. Be wise to keep this friendship as they can save you a lot of grief. Call them for serious issues only and never cross the line with them because they won’t with you. They are married couples of many years and probably have grown up children; seek their advice on choosing a partner, saving for retirement, saving for children’s education, marital counsel etc.

7. Party friends – The name says it all, need I say more? These are friends that you roll in the same party circle with. You will always see them at all the shindig in town. They are happy go-lucky and the life of the party. They will call to invite you to more parties and discuss fashion and entertainment stuff. Never expect them to be more than that. They sure know how to throw a good party and they have all the cool friends. If you are ever in trouble, they won’t be there for you because they are out having a party.

8. Confidante – These are people who love you for you; they are few and far between. They love you regardless and only want the best for you. They can be your spouse, siblings, or long life friendship. Confidantes are people who pour into your life, they are full of wisdom and they are honest with you. They say it like it is and you need them in your life. They do not have ulterior motives; they have nothing to gain or lose. They are into you, they feel your pain and will cry with you but they will always tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts.

They will pray for you and with you. You need these people in your life and when you find them hold on to them.

9. Constituent. These friends are not into you, they are for what you are into. All you have in common is the ‘agenda’. Don’t be deceived by these groups of friends they are all about the “agenda” and will never be lifelong friends. They can be your church friends and once you stop attending the same church as them, they will part company with you.  Don’t share your dream with constituent friends because they will try to make it happen for themselves.

10. Comrades – These people are not for you, but for what you are against. Their association is only temporary to fulfill a purpose. Once the purpose is realized they will leave you and desert you. Don’t share your dreams with them because they will not share in it and you will be discouraged by their reaction. Don’t expect them to celebrate your success.

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Having said all these, don’t call me and ask which category you belong. You are my friend, I love you all, but I will not tell you…lol!

Finally, while you are considering whether or not to “dump” a friend bear this in mind.

  • Your friend is evolving just like you are changing daily. While you are not as close as before it doesn’t make them a bad friend. It’s just part of life.
  • Remember we are all at different stages; some are married with children and some are not. Some are working and others are not. Some are on fire for God while others are not yet there yet.
  • Be sensitive and understanding even if you don’t get the whole picture yet.
  • While your friend may not have the time for you right now, don’t be bitter or resentful. Learn to roll with it and get on with your own life.
  • Wish them well and send them off with a prayer or two.

A big thank you to all of you guys for reaching out to me, I am ok honest! Hubby is back home tomorrow, Hippeeee!!!

 

Series Navigation<< Friends Or Frenemies – Part 1

About Buky

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager & she loves to share practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.

18 Comments

  1. Since you said we should not ask you which category we each belong, i won't LOL, but i think we can pretty much figure it out ourselves based on type of conversation we each have with you LOL. As i was reading this, i was going through the list of my friends and matching them up with each category LOL. It was kinda fun doing it and i truly agree with you that we have different relationship with each of our friends and it is best to know what they are to us and what we are to them so we don't get upset or disappointed with their behavior. It is also very important to keep in mind that all our friends are good for something and we should focus more on the aspect of our lives they improve. They are not perfect and we are not as well, but when you find a good one keep him/her.

  2. A very insightful piece, shows a lot of thought and God given grace and ability! This is your ministry Sis. One wonders if its your purpose; whatever it is, it is clear God is empowering you! Stay blessed.

  3. I am following in the footstep of Blimey since you have asked us not to ask the obvious…. great piece though.

    Friends….. really they have played,still playing and will continue to play a great role in our lives and as such there is need to carefully identify where a particular person belong to so as not to have a frenemy as a friend like you inferred from your piece… Nice one once again.

    Cheers!!!

  4. Well done.
    Inevitable truth.
    The video by TD Jakes' very insightful as well.

    Cheers.

  5. This article is quite insightful. Thank you.
    I have 'made' some online friends on twitter and facebook. I rarely communicate with them but honestly, through their online updates and write-ups, I have been blessed.

    An 'agony aunt' type of friend recently walked out of my life, I was devastated because I thought I won't be able to cope without his friendship and support. (more like, I won't have someone to call regularly being in a new environment with no friends) It has been about two months now and I must say I am doing quite well without him! God brought him into my life for a purpose and for a season which had expired.

    I have learnt 'by force by fire' that some friends are truly there for a season. They come into your life so you can learn something(s) about yourself and life. Learn the lessons and make necessary changes. When its time for them to go, let them go! It's hard but its for one's good.

    It takes wisdom to know where to place each 'friend' that comes into our lives. Once you can figure out the REASON for their 'friendship' you will able to tell if they are around for a SEASON or for a LIFETIME.

  6. Ekundayo, I appreciate you honesty in sharing your experience with us. I am also glad that thru you experience you have learnt that you are stronger than you know and also that some friendship are for a reason and season.

    I know it can be tough in a new environment especially, I pray the God will bring new friends along the way to help you on your life journey.

  7. Thank you, i love watching anything TD Jakes but most importantly that video is one of my favorite. I love your blog too and your style of writing.

  8. We need friends especially the good ones. My online friends such as yourself have really been there for me. Since starting this blog, I am less of the drama queen at home because i have this and my cyber friends to focus on.

    Thanks for your ongoing – support online

  9. Akin, Thanks bro! Thanks for the compliment and encouragement. I am on that path to finding and fulfilling my life purpose. I pray that we all find our purpose in life because without that we cant be truly happy.

    I always look forward to reading your comments! Thanks again

  10. Blimey, Eye opening isnt it once you can identify friends for who they are? You are correct in saying that we should focus on the good aspect instead of the bad. Just as our friends are not perfect we are not perfect too.

    Girl, thanks for always being there for me both online and in the real world. I appreciate your friendship like you have no idea. You are the one I am always bouncing and sharing ideas with. I hope i am as much as a good friend as you have been to me.

  11. Insightful and well written piece, Started following your blog sometime in the upper week and it's been like a SOAP OPERA to me. You've touched me in tremendous ways. Each paragraph i read has a name that cleaves to it and was just laughing at myself at the end because by the time i got to [8] my friends had reduced to 4. True everyone needs somebody but we all need friends that would stick closer than a "sister". Let me go grab popcorn and coke for the next "read"

  12. Thank you and God bless Buky 🙂

  13. Ayodele, Thank you for being a fan of Bukville, I pray that we all learn and grow together. Remember that your friends need you just as much as you do too. Thank your for taking the time to check out other post too.
    Do let me know if there are any topics you would like more of. Have a wonderful week.

  14. Hello Bukky,

    This piece is very insightful and so true and it really helped me re-evaluate the friends in my life.
    I have just started following your blog and i have to say,
    Keep up the good work. May the almighty continue to bless you and give you the wisdom to keep doing what you are doing.

  15. Shade, Thank you for such encouraging words and prayers you are too kind!.

    Welcome to the world of blogging, thanks for signing up for my subscription and connecting with me on FB. I cant wait to know you better as we learn and grow together.

  16. Daughter of Zion aka

    This is very interesting and I have always known that some friends just wont be there and are not needed along the way. I have been fortunate enough to identify friends that suck me dry, all they wants to do is complain and talk about themselves.Such friends I have learn to just listen to them whilst they rant on about their lives, needs and wants and they never ask about you. Funny enough, I find myself automatically ignoring their calls cos I know the convo will be about them and their world.

    However, I have a close female friend that I absolutely adored and cherished. But I have found that I love her and show more love than she does to me. For instance, we share the same flat, and in a week I will go into her room 17 times more than she will come into mine.

    I never realised this, until an incident occured and I decided I wont go into her room for a while and she didnt come into mine. I was so hurt and decided to keep my distance abit and she thinks its because I had a dude in my life. She thoought very wrong. I am glad I have a friend in JESUS and thats all that matters.

    Nevertheless, she is not bothered about our friendship and I have decided to leave and not try anymore. If she wants she will come am always available for her. Yes, you can start of great with people and it just goes sour. I pray God will bring people our path that our not religious but just godly and they have wisdom. And ones in our lives will grow in wisdom too. I do miss her but I have missed me more and I want time spent with me.

  17. DOZ – Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, especially as you both share an apartment together. Its unfortunate that your friend didnt realized how much you care for her. While that can be hurtful, I am glad that you enjoy your own company.

    Being a stay-at-mom i spend a lot of my time with toddlers and night time when they are in bed is really the time i have to myself to think. Without Dora and Mickey Mouse driving me bonkers! I found that night-time is not the best time to call my friends to, so I love spending time with me too.

    In 2011, one of my prayer point is for God to bring along my path great friends that can pour into me. Friends that i can learn from and more mature than me in every way. Its easy to find friends on the same level but not friends that can pour into one's life. We nee more of them to help us get to our destiny.

  18. Daughter of Zion....

    I agree Aunty Buky… 100%

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