The Painful Truth About Divorce

Divorce is a devourer, meaning a curse and a destroyer. Two people who were once committed to building up a happy home are now jointly passionate about destroying all their hard work together.

The pain that comes from being divorced personally for me I cannot put into words. There are 2 witnesses to that kind of pain, God and the walls of your house.

Only God truly knows the depth of pain caused by divorce. If the walls could speak in homes all over the world where couples hide and cry in secret but yet presenting an “I’m ok” face to the world.

Wedding can be expensive and it is often our focus but divorce is very costly. The currencies are different though. When we are planning a wedding we usually have a budget for it but you cannot budget for the pain you will experience when going thru the awful experience of divorce.

“Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever. by Nora Ephron

You can easily pay off  debt accumulated from a lavish wedding by consolidating your debt, but from a divorce you cannot. The price you pay with is your self-esteem, shame, guilt, pride, your health, your mental state of mind, your friendships, your credit rating and FICO score, the respect from your children, your reputation, your relationship with God, broken family, depression, your future marriage, etc.

God hates divorce (Mal 2:16) but allows it because of stubbornness and pride (Matt 19:8). The fact that it’s allowed doesn’t mean it is a solution or the best solution. Divorce is no quick fix to nothing; not even a temporary fix.  Divorce is mainly a postponement of life lessons, what you thought you’d escape from is waiting for you ahead.

There are extreme cases for divorce where the level of abuse is atrocious that the only way out is divorce. Where lives and well-being (physical, emotional, spiritual etc) are at stake.

Realistically, how many cases are that extreme these days? It has now become a way out for everyone. Most people who have been through a divorce, if you ask them years later would simply tell you that they didn’t think they fought enough to keep their marriages.

After the dust has settled, no more blame game going on, no more friends and family taking sides and adding their 2-cent to flame the fire. No more scoring points against each other, your phone is no longer ringing off the hook, all the supporters club are now back home with their family.

You are all alone; your story is no longer hot news, more like yesterday’s newspaper.

Now that you’ve realized that you have 50% part blame in the whole issue- It takes 2 to tango. Most people don’t understand what really happened and how did they get to where they are right now. Isn’t that a shame?

Often the same person that was making your life miserable is still the love of your life and now they are gone. Your miserable state of mind has not improved, you are just miserable alone now. No fanfare, you are not living that life you envisioned without them because you missed that miserable part of you regardless of the madness he/she put you through.

You now have this new single status but you are not enjoying it. You’ve realized maybe divorce is truly not the solution you thought of.  To the world you are fine; you’ve bounced back and you are slimmer than before. So you look good in your new wardrobe attire. It’s just a façade, are you still faking it?

It’s all a cosmetic fix; inside you are broken and going to bed in tears. You can’t sleep without alcohol or  sleeping tablet. You can’t concentrate because you now have many questions but no answer.

What was it really about? Whose battle was it? Being right isn’t much fun now? Making your point and having your way isn’t so great after all?

You remember how useless she was, what a bad cook and housekeeper she was. Now you realized that maybe a bad cook and housekeeper might even have their perks too.

He never does anything for you right? He is arrogant and egotistical, selfish and abusive? But still you miss him, and now he is off being the same arrogant and egomaniac with another woman who appreciate his ego and able to live with him faults and all.

Isn’t it crazy that the same person we detest is now the person you secretly like, but you dare not open up about it to your friends and family? After all that you have said about them?  You just have to sleep on the bed you laid for yourself.

Yet, the newly weds and less experienced will be the first to judge the divorced. Be very careful in judging others, especially when you are clueless on such matters. Experience they say is the best teacher. However, you can learn from the experience of others so you don’t have to go down the same path.

The high rate of divorce now mean it can happen to anyone. Instead of casting judgments, learn from my and other’s mistakes. The crux of the matter is that life is fraught with pitfalls and divorce is one of those. Marriage is a God ordained institution that we all have to put effort into sustaining and upholding. Divorce can happen to anyone, young, old, poor, rich etc; the key thing is for all to realize that marriage is worth fighting for.


Let’s fight and work together at keeping our marriages intact. 


About Buky

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager & she loves to share practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.

19 Comments

  1. It is easy to jump in and judge, I know I am guilty of this but recently I have come to learn that I have no right to judge no matter how well placed to judge I think I am. I don’t know the hurt that people are dealing with and even if I know it is not my place to judge.
     
    Thanks for sharing, I pray God will bring total healing to you and to others that share the same pain around the world.
    God bless you!

  2. Dar Lyn, thank you for your honesty. The truth is many of us easily judge other. As I did myself; I never even thought that I would ever find myself divorced talk less of marry someone that was. I judged others and then find myself thinking who would marry me now?

    As painful as the experience was, it was also humbling too.

    Thank you for your comment and may God bless your home, amen.

  3. Wow, to be honest with you, I judged people that got a divorce until I met you Buky. I know that divorce is not a good thing and not ordained by God, but one thing I have come to see in your life and Joyce Meyer’s life is that there are some situations that end up being the genesis of a person’s ministry. I believe through your life experience, you are in a better position to empathize with a lot of women and that makes a strong ministry. People can relate with you and connect. I am not in support of divorce, but at the same time I don’t believe a woman should remain in a place where she is abused.

    Thanks for keeping it real and merging reality with spirituality. We need to be very practical as Christians and that is why I truly like your blog

  4. Been married 12 years now, in which time I seriously contemplated divorce several times, especially early on. I felt my wife was just stubborn, troublesome, annoying and plain crazy! Surely there was a nicer and more peace-loving woman out there for me! So what stopped me? God and not wanting to put our two young children through the pain. They are typically the greatest casualties of a divorce. Thank God He stopped me cos with time has come maturity and patience on both our parts and the realisation for me that no woman in the world is better than my wife!
    Part of the blame must go to the sort of counselling given before marriage. It needs to be a lot more practical while not losing the spiritual. I don’t counsel formally but do informally now, every chance I get.
    Thank you.  

  5. Blimey, one thing i can count on you for is your sincerity and honesty.That is why you and I are friends and you always keep it real with moi.

    I hate divorce too and wont wish it on anyone. It just adds more emotional  baggage’s and stress to life. 

    Marriage is not easy and it takes God and a lot of patience to work. Marriage is great and I have been blessed to taste the joy and blessings of being married to a wonderful man.

    God is a God of  second chances and He makes all things new again.

    I look forward to your first guest post for Bukville in the future. Love you girl xxx

  6. AK, I thank God for you and your marriage. I wish many more people will be open and honest about the struggles we all deal with in marriages. 

    I know many will be blessed by your comment, yes we all struggle but it doesnt have to lead to divorce. Yes, we wont always like our partner but it doesnt have to lead to divorce. 

    Thank you for sharing and may God bless and keep your family together forever, Amen.

  7. Buky, you hit the nail on the head when you said “Divorce is mainly a postponement of life lessons, what you thought you’d escape from is waiting for you ahead.”

    Great post, and I pray many of us learn from it. 

  8. i like this write-up a lot. I like the way you delved into the topic so deeply that it’s hard not to empathize with people in this situation. divorce is not a good thing … it is a destroyer and unfortunately most people regret it. That’s why it’s important to shine one’s eyes very well before marriage because it is not in all cases that it can be avoided or that a marriage can be repaired.

  9. tolulope IlesanmI

    I have come to realize that I can love my wife as Christ loved and loves the church, giving up Himself for her. I can love my wife regardless of what she does or does not do and regardless of how I feel about her, which fluctuates several times in a day. 

    I am the church and I know how much I fail Christ and do not measure up to His standards. Yet He will never leave me nor forsake me. That promise not to leave me nor forsake me is not because of my righteousness but His commitment. Whether I feel like it or not (and many times I do not feel like it as I am sure most people do not), I intend to follow that example.

    As regards judging – you can only judge if you are perfect or think you are. As scriptures say, “Let him that thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall.” The moment we think we are ok, setting ourselves up in the judgement seat, we fall.

    Thanks Buky for this post.

  10. Ola, Shine your eyes o. Lol. It is very important to do the ground work before marriage. We easily get excited about planning the wedding that we sometime pay less attention to the obvious. 

  11. My prayer is that we will be builders of home and not help tear down our homes.

  12. Christ relationship with the Father is a mirror for all marriages. Yes we wont alway measure up to His standards. One thing we know for certain is that “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness”.

    Thanks Tolulope for your contribution to this topic, you bring so much richness and wisdom to it.

  13. Another fabulous piece Bukky. Well done.

  14. Thanks for taking the time to read and commenting.

    Congrats on your new book! I look forward to reading it.

    http://www.fast-print.net/bookshop/788/you-can-change-your-world

  15. I love the conclusion of the matter: ‘marriage is God’s idea and it is worth fighting for’. Absolutely! There are no perfect people anywhere and looking for it in any man or woman  especially in a marriage setting is recipe for disaster. God is the only perfection we need and whom we ought to look up to. Therefore we need  to cut each other some slack.

    Thought provoking piece that blessed me. Thanks, Buky.

  16. MOH ~ Thank you for the feedback, have a blessed week.

  17. DaughterofHerKing

    We live in a world where divorce is a trend.. quite frankly  Its a case of picking the newspaper or magazine and hearing so and so are ending it… it  like if the marriage works it works, if it doesn’t we will get a divorce…  (I am sure there is more, but the world we live in is just interesting)..(Thank God for God)….

    In my opinion, although there are many things that can bring about a divorce, most times I think it all boils down to the motives of each individual. What foundation was the marriage on??? Seriously, if one marries with the mindset of divorce is an option,  I think it can play a role in manifesting itself. But then again, some people dont have that mindset and just want a divorce for reasons that I cannot fathom… 

    All the same.. it is all about God grace and wisdom before entering any marriage… One must really know that THIS IS IT…. With God all things are possible come what may…. We will ride the storms together…  It does take more for any marriage to work, for it to constantly be happy… I am sure couples that have visions for their marriage and know THIS IS IT will not give in and through God guidance and grace they will know what to do and fight to maintain, sustain and remain together…

    Marriage is hard work ohh (But for some reason, I don’t think it will be hard-work for me.. got the best Fther in world prepping me already,,, kini big deal..lol)… 

    God will continue to uphold every marriage out there and use it as a ministration to encourage others. 

  18. DOHK, Thank you for your lovely comment. How have you been, its been a while?
    Marriage takes work and its worth fighting for.

    I am glad that you have a positive attitude about it and I pray that God will uphold you and build your marriage.

  19. DOHK, Thank you for your lovely comment. How have you been, its been a while?
    Marriage takes work and its worth fighting for.

    I am glad that you have a positive attitude about it and I pray that God will uphold you and build your marriage.

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