Divorce is a devourer, meaning a curse and a destroyer. Two people who were once committed to building up a happy home are now jointly passionate about destroying all their hard work together.
The pain that comes from being divorced personally for me I cannot put into words. There are 2 witnesses to that kind of pain, God and the walls of your house.
Only God truly knows the depth of pain caused by divorce. If the walls could speak in homes all over the world where couples hide and cry in secret but yet presenting an “I’m ok” face to the world.
Wedding can be expensive and it is often our focus but divorce is very costly. The currencies are different though. When we are planning a wedding we usually have a budget for it but you cannot budget for the pain you will experience when going thru the awful experience of divorce.
“Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever. by Nora Ephron
You can easily pay off debt accumulated from a lavish wedding by consolidating your debt, but from a divorce you cannot. The price you pay with is your self-esteem, shame, guilt, pride, your health, your mental state of mind, your friendships, your credit rating and FICO score, the respect from your children, your reputation, your relationship with God, broken family, depression, your future marriage, etc.
God hates divorce (Mal 2:16) but allows it because of stubbornness and pride (Matt 19:8). The fact that it’s allowed doesn’t mean it is a solution or the best solution. Divorce is no quick fix to nothing; not even a temporary fix. Divorce is mainly a postponement of life lessons, what you thought you’d escape from is waiting for you ahead.
There are extreme cases for divorce where the level of abuse is atrocious that the only way out is divorce. Where lives and well-being (physical, emotional, spiritual etc) are at stake.
Realistically, how many cases are that extreme these days? It has now become a way out for everyone. Most people who have been through a divorce, if you ask them years later would simply tell you that they didn’t think they fought enough to keep their marriages.
After the dust has settled, no more blame game going on, no more friends and family taking sides and adding their 2-cent to flame the fire. No more scoring points against each other, your phone is no longer ringing off the hook, all the supporters club are now back home with their family.
You are all alone; your story is no longer hot news, more like yesterday’s newspaper.
Now that you’ve realized that you have 50% part blame in the whole issue- It takes 2 to tango. Most people don’t understand what really happened and how did they get to where they are right now. Isn’t that a shame?
Often the same person that was making your life miserable is still the love of your life and now they are gone. Your miserable state of mind has not improved, you are just miserable alone now. No fanfare, you are not living that life you envisioned without them because you missed that miserable part of you regardless of the madness he/she put you through.
You now have this new single status but you are not enjoying it. You’ve realized maybe divorce is truly not the solution you thought of. To the world you are fine; you’ve bounced back and you are slimmer than before. So you look good in your new wardrobe attire. It’s just a façade, are you still faking it?
It’s all a cosmetic fix; inside you are broken and going to bed in tears. You can’t sleep without alcohol or sleeping tablet. You can’t concentrate because you now have many questions but no answer.
What was it really about? Whose battle was it? Being right isn’t much fun now? Making your point and having your way isn’t so great after all?
You remember how useless she was, what a bad cook and housekeeper she was. Now you realized that maybe a bad cook and housekeeper might even have their perks too.
He never does anything for you right? He is arrogant and egotistical, selfish and abusive? But still you miss him, and now he is off being the same arrogant and egomaniac with another woman who appreciate his ego and able to live with him faults and all.
Isn’t it crazy that the same person we detest is now the person you secretly like, but you dare not open up about it to your friends and family? After all that you have said about them? You just have to sleep on the bed you laid for yourself.
Yet, the newly weds and less experienced will be the first to judge the divorced. Be very careful in judging others, especially when you are clueless on such matters. Experience they say is the best teacher. However, you can learn from the experience of others so you don’t have to go down the same path.
The high rate of divorce now mean it can happen to anyone. Instead of casting judgments, learn from my and other’s mistakes. The crux of the matter is that life is fraught with pitfalls and divorce is one of those. Marriage is a God ordained institution that we all have to put effort into sustaining and upholding. Divorce can happen to anyone, young, old, poor, rich etc; the key thing is for all to realize that marriage is worth fighting for.
Let’s fight and work together at keeping our marriages intact.