There are common mistakes we make before marriage that have consequences to our future happiness. Ignorance is not bliss and it’s very important to get the foundation right.
A building is only as strong as its foundation. So it stands to reason that a marriage that is built on shaky ground will soon start to show cracks. The right foundation sets the pace for a successful home. By wisdom is a house built and by understanding it is established (Prov. 24:3-4)
Starting off on the right foundation can make a difference to your future marriage. Success in marriage starts before a couple enters into engagement. When preparation meets opportunity it’s a good formula for success.
For a lasting marriage, this means being grounded first and foremost in a life lived for Christ. Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain that build it: unless the LORD keeps the city, the watchman wakes, but in vain (Ps 127:1)
So let’s talk about the common mistakes women make before marriage.
Co-Habitation
Do not move in with a man you are not married to – ever heard the expression of “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Don’t let a man move in with you – A man who wants to marry you should at least be able to lease an apartment when he is ready for marriage. Stop trying to be the man, let the man be the man. This may come back to haunt you later on.
Not Knowing Who You Are
Getting to know who you are set the foundation upon which you can build your core values and life goals upon. How can anyone truly know who you are if you are constantly evolving from multiple personalities? Having a sense of self; an identity helps in the process of attracting and eliminating. Not knowing who you are will likely lead to settling for the wrong person, getting stuck in an unhappy marriage, and ultimately heading for the divorce court.
Invest In Yourself
Even if you plan on being a SAHM, it is wise to have a career, a skill, a trade, something to fall back on. Life is subjected to change. Due to unforeseen circumstances, you may have to step up and support your family.
The Pregnancy Trap
Having a child out-of-wedlock doesn’t guarantee that he will marry you. You can’t force a man to love you. While it may work initially, it won’t last and secretly he will despise you and he might eventually abandon you and the baby.
Sex Before Marriage
Dare to be different and let him wait. Don’t give it all away too soon. Especially for those that are divorced and single parents. It is God’s desire that sex should be practiced only in marriage. A god-fearing man will wait and honor God.
Not Meeting The In-laws Beforehand.
Get to know your in-laws before you marry. You will be amazed by the information you may pick up by meeting them beforehand, which might help your final decision.
With families living on different continents, this may be difficult. Make the trip if you can or spend some time on the phone with them. Skype, Zoom, Facebook, WhatsApp anyone?
Failure to Discuss Family’s Medical History
Any medical concerns and family history should be discussed before things get serious and you say I do. Don’t leave it to chance; it’s wrong and deceptive. This point alone may either seal or break the deal in choosing the right person to weather the storm of life with you.
Financial Compatability
Are you financially yoked?. You may love each other, but are you marrying a spender or a saver? Do they have similar dreams and visions for financial freedom? How transparent are they about the current financial status? This is a very important part of marriage. Don’t skip it or assume they got it figured out.
Get Tested
Getting a blood test is essential especially for those of African descent. Sickle Cell is a big issue that cannot be ignored. Get tested for STDs before you say “I do”. You don’t know where your partner has been. Most times they are unaware that they have anything themselves.
Meet The Friends
Let your friends meet who you are dating before you get too serious. Your friends know you better and can serve as the voice of truth when you are infatuated. You will be amazed at what your friends can pick up on in just one sitting with him.
Very true..I like the last part…
Question, is it advisable for a girlfriend to spend time on the phone or meet the inlaws? I figured that only applies when you are engage or talking marriage?
Unveillinggold, thank you for your question, its a very important one.
A man usually introduces future partner to his family especially when he feel she is the one. Even before talk of engagement or marriage, if you have the opportunity to meet them you’d better pay attention to your environment, conversation, unspoken words and any information you can pick up from them.
The whole purpose of getting to know your future in-laws is to get to know the people you are going to be spending your future with. They hold the key to questions relating to the family history and background you are about to become a part of.
People have discovered medical history that their man wasn’t aware of and patterns that run in the family.
Very good post. I’m experiencing many of these issues as well..