Friends Or Frenemies – Part 1

Today (21 November), I had an emotional melt down plus a pity party. I have had better days than today and I am glad it is over. It is one thing to have an emotional melt down but plus a pity party? That is a sad combination.

So what happened? My husband who some of you know is also my best friend has been working abroad for the last 12 days. I miss him and I am tired along with being pregnant. I considered myself to be a strong person so I am just going to blame everything on my hormones (denial).

Yes, I am pregnant and at home with 2 toddlers under the age of 4yrs old. I love being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and I usually cope well when hubby is away. Still, play along with me since I am blaming everything on my hormones (denial again)

I woke up really tired and tried getting ready for church, the children were not co-operating or so it seems. I decided maybe it was best we stayed home instead.

Out of nowhere and without notice, I just felt really sad and alone. I started weeping and I was just down on myself for no reason.

The truth is in the last12 days since hubby left, I have had less human contacts and very few contact with the outside world. My phone hardly rings and when I had tried to reach some friends and family I was greeted with their voicemail and my calls were not returned.

Continue reading

Singles Talk: Who Should Pay?

While Adey and I were courting, we saw each other on and off about 5 times before I eventually move to America to plan our wedding. I was living in London while we were dating and I paid for all my travelling expenses. It never occurred to me to ask him and he didn’t offer to pay for my flight either.

Y’all know I was a desperado right? Oh yeah! I knew what I wanted and I was going for it and nothing was going to get in my way. Not even who pays for what.

I was single and fabulous (still fabulous) and I had my own money. It never occurred to me to ask at all.

In all honesty I figured that once I am in, I will be greatly reimbursed for all my costs, lol. For real too, I wanted babies and a happy marriage as my reimbursement. (Which he’s awesomely doing) Not cash and gift that I would spend in no time (that he’s also doing) and didn’t have any lasting value.

So this was what happened to my girl friend, she met Mr. Right (me think) but he didn’t offer to pay for her flight or any of her travelling expenses and she was not happy about it. She also felt that he should be calling more; she didn’t try too hard herself because she believed that was his job.

To cut a long boring story short, she dropped him. Who was at fault? What really are the rules of long distance dating?

Continue reading

The Season To Remember Others…….

Its Thanksgiving and I find myself struggling to write something that have that festive feeling that we all want in this season.

At first it just didn’t make sense, and then it occurred to me why? I bet you are curious too.

Not so long ago I actually detested any festive holidays. It was yet another reason to remember my lonely state of mind and how I didn’t have this and that to fill my life with. It was a time to watch others living the life I so longed for.

Few years back I joined my family for yet another Christmas dinner, it was nice of them to include me. The truth was I felt out-of-place, sometimes I can’t help thinking maybe they feel sorry for me and can’t bear to see me spend another festive holiday alone with my Chinese fried rice and wonton soup.

The evening was going great, lovely food and nice company. Just then my nephew asked me a question. “Aunty why don’t we see uncle again”????

Continue reading

Great Fathers Are A Blessing.

My father died in 1986 and my world as I knew it changed forever. Growing up and having my father around was great. I took it for granted that he would always be around. I was only 13yrs old when he died and I never wanted anyone else to take his place. There was a void in my life with his passing away that I never knew would happen.

Since his passing on, I have had very few male role models in my life; I have not looked for any. I didn’t think I needed one either.

I have otherwise been blessed with a few male role models in my life, they might not regard themselves as father figure but they have played a role in my life that I will forever be grateful to them all the days of my life

My brother Julius also known as Diran stepped up to the plate when Daddy died. He was a young man himself needing his father but he just really rallies us together and was there for us all. I remember when I arrived in London in 1989, how he took good care of me. He helped me to get my first job working at McDonald. He failed to tell me why we were going there though.

I was so excited thinking he’s going to buy me my favorite McChicken sandwich with vanilla milk shake. Until we got there and his friend the manager came out and they both started talking about me like I wasn’t there. My mind was still fixated on the food to come and I wasn’t paying much attention to their conversation, until he said I would be back to start work the following day. Suffice to say he didn’t buy me any McChicken sandwich before leaving too.

Continue reading

The Lessons I Have Learned In 5 years Of Marriage

I have been reflecting on the lessons I have learnt in my 5 years of marriage. Compare to some, my husband and I are just newbies in the marital dance. We try not to keep the lessons we’ve learnt to ourselves, others can also benefit from our experience just as we have benefitted from others experiences. So, let us share it with one another.

There are more lessons but am trying to keep my blog post short!

These are just a few from a long list of important lessons I have learnt along the way.

1. Honor

Honoring my husband is important. What matters to women and men are so different. Men want honor and respect above sex and cooking. Sex and cooking are important but they can’t live on that 24/7. What will eventually keep him coming home every day is honor and respect.

I am not perfect in these areas but I am learning fast and seeing great results.  In every man; there is a king and a fool. Whose response do you want? Who are you speaking to? If you speak to the king in him, not only do you get the king’s response, you get his rewards too.

This I have learnt, practiced and seen great result. So every time I open my big mouth I ask myself who am I addressing and what do I hope to achieve?

You can get all from your husband without nagging, manipulations, without holding sex or not cooking for him, etc.

Just by choosing to honor him daily, especially when you don’t think he deserve honor, so to speak. I learnt this from my husband; he apologizes to me when I know am wrong! This convicts me more than anything.

We don’t honor our husband because he deserves it, we do it unto the Lord, and He is the greatest rewarder of all.

2. Take Your Problems To God.

In 5 yrs I have not had to call a family meeting on my husband or into our marriage. Do we have issues like every other couple? Yep! but we know who keeps us together is God, He knows my husband better than I do. I go to God in prayer and report him to His Father in secret.

It works if you are willing to wait on God and be patience, as long as your motives are pure and your agenda is not self seeking. God is not a fool and He won’t be mocked, if he’s silent, then check yourself out. God does not and will not honor the prayers of a rude wife even if the husband is not acting right. God is a God of order and He honors authority and submission.

Continue reading

Adey, My Joy And Crown

A Letter To My Husband

It is exactly 5 years ago that you took me to be your bride. These past 5 years have been a blessing with you and our children. There is not one day have I ever regretted marrying you.

Adey means “ The Crown”, you have been my joy and crown. (Phil4:1)

You have been to me, what Abraham was to Sarah, my lord (Gen18:12). You are gentle, kind, considerate, loving and have no bad words to say about anybody.

You are still the man that I fell in love with 5 years ago, and baby you get better and more handsome by the day. You are like a bottle of wine, the older you are the sweeter you get.

A week before we were schedule to get married. We had some major setback. Somebody gave a very damaging report about me of which you and the officiating minister for our wedding were informed of. The information was so damaging, honestly I won’t have gone ahead and marry me too.

Continue reading

Get Desperate With God And Get MARRIED.

One of the questions people ask me once I share my testimony with them about marriage is, “What did you do to finally marry the right person?”

My answer is always the same. I got desperate and serious with God.

We all tend to think what we’ve been through is not a big deal, but it is. Especially if you come out smelling of the goodness of God, it is a super-duper BIG DEAL.

I will never take God’s blessings for granted, ever!

So I was at a stage in my life that I had everything else going for me except for one thing. Marriage. I was in my mid-30’s and that was the only thing missing from my life. I didn’t want another career or another weight loss idea. I didn’t need a manicure and pedicure, or a designer bag. I didn’t want another expensive holiday. Not even more money could fill that yearning that I had to be married and have children.

Continue reading

No More Cleavage In The House Of God

Well, I know some people will be offended by this post. That is all right. The truth sometimes hurts. Ouch!

My intention is not to offend but to bring awareness and correction to something that is an ongoing issue in our churches today.

I have lived on 3 continents; Africa, Europe and North America. Its is the same issue all over. This is not just an America issue.

If we call ourselves Christians, shouldn’t we act like one? Christian means to be Christ-like. Are you truly portraying Christ in the way you dress?

The line that once distinguished Christians from non Christians has become severely blurred. 

It is easier to judge those in the world for their bad behaviors. They don’t know any better. They are not saved and their minds are not renewed. What then shall we say of our fellow sisters in the Lord showing off their blessed assurance for all to see? Are they still in the world, too? 1 Timothy 2:9 says, “ I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety.” Continue reading

Here Is To You, Sister Dearest.

My sister’s name is Shade. She is married to my wonderful brother-in-law, Andrew, and together they have 3 lovely Children.

She is a couple of years older than me; yet she continues to claim that she is only about 30 year old. Yeah right! That would make me, what? I will spare her and not reveal her true age. She looks great for her age and a mom of three, too.

Growing up together we were never close. She and I were like night and day. She was the straight A student and I was not. She was the perfect daughter who would always abide by our parents’ rules and regulations. I did not.

Sister Dearest

She never rebelled. I did. I almost never heard her curse while we were growing up. I did curse her out a lot and she gave me some of the best beatings of my life!!! Ouch! She didn’t talk much back then. She used one-liners, like “Stop it or I will whoop you.” Of course I didn’t listen. So she bashed me over the head. I just thought she was jealous and miserable. True, there was a lot to be jealous of. I was a spoiled little brat, I had a big mouth on me, I was rude and disrespectful, and I was doing badly at school. Yeah, I can see why she was so envious. NOT.

Continue reading

Does Mama Really Knows Best?

As I was bathing my little Bishop, that is my son’s nick name, David. David is only 16 months and super cute, am not just saying that because I’m his mom! You betcha he’s a handsome little fella with the biggest smile. 

My mind begins to wander while I stared into his smiling face, questions rushing thru my mind. One of the questions was Does Mama Really Knows Best? 

It got me thinking about my mother, then about myself now a mother of 2 children. Do I really know what is best for them?

Continue reading

20 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Women are sometimes confused with what is classified as an abusive behavior. It is not until he physically hits you, then you realize that you are being abused. There are obvious signs along the way; you chose to ignore it, even though your friends and family can see it.

Call it whatever name you want to emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and domestic abuse. Abuse is abuse.

Often, it is kept as a secret because women usually blame themselves and they feel ashamed that they have permitted it.

Look, it happens to people, period! You name it; even to the most educated and intelligent person. Yes, you can have PhD, MBA… and still make bad choice in a partner.  It is no reflection on you being the weaker vessel. Usually the abusive person has issues, not you. Ok so you are the enabler in the name of “love”. Oh please! Not the “I love him all over again”.

Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you should give up on your life. Just because you want, love in your life does not mean that you should permit someone to abuse you

That is what we do when we allow other people to hurt us and we stay with them. In the US once you are 18 years and above, the law considers you are capable of making certain decisions for yourself. So GROW up and take charge of your life!

Signs to look for.

1. Friends and families can’t stand him

2. He tells you that your friends are no good and he makes it almost impossible for you to have any friends. – He tells you what to wear.

3. He robbed you of your self-esteem and dignity by constantly telling you that you are; fat and ugly, no one else will have you. You should be happy and grateful you have him, you are nothing.

4. He destroy your personal pictures, wedding pictures and destroys heirlooms.

Continue reading

Submission

While visiting Dallas this week, we worshipped at Potter’s House in Dallas with Bishop TD Jakes, it was awesome, and we had a great time. I have always wanted to visit Potter’s House and experience it live and I was not disappointed at all. The Bishop was there while the praise and worship was phenomenal.

Bishop taught on Submission, whenever I have heard sermons on submission it  is usually from a marriage perspective. I thought that was the angle he was going to teach from, oh boy! Was I wrong?

“For women at times, we don’t want to hear another sermon on submission. I don’t have issues with that topic at all; I learnt years ago that you cannot submit to a man until you submit to God first”

Continue reading

Before “I Do” – Part 3 In-laws

 

In-laws to most but Outlaws to a few!

Why discuss in-laws before marriage?

In-laws come with the marriage, whether you like it or not. It is like living in Texas, you do not have a choice about the sales tax,  you just pay it.

When you marry, you do not only marry that person you get the entire family. You just cannot ignore that these people exist; you are going to have to form a relationship with them. If only because it makes your partner happy knowing how important they are to him.

Deal with it, your partner did not fall from the sky, someone gave birth to him, loved him, nurtured him and he will not be the person that he is today without those people in his life. Just like you have parents that love and care for you, same goes for him too.

Continue reading

Before “I Do” – Part 2 Sex

There is no easy way to broach this subject, so we might as well just dive into it.

It is just 3 letters, S-E-X, yet very powerful.

When I first mentioned to my friend Sade that I will be writing about the types of questions you should ask before you say “I Do” and mentioned “sex”, she was somewhat surprised that these questions will be brought up before marriage – and I know exactly where she’s coming from.

As a born again and spirit filled Christian that is not engaging or participating in anything of a sexual nature before wedlock, how can you talk about

S-E-X?

Well, there are ways to talk about sex without it being sexual. This is not a conversation to have in your “boudoir” with Marvin Gaye music playing in the background. You must be conscious of every appearance of evil. Continue reading

Before “I DO” – Part 1 Money

 

There are many grey areas to be discussed before you say “I DO”. It is a well-known

fact that some of the reasons for marital problems are;

1, Money issues,

2, Sex,

3, In-Laws (outlaws!),

4, Religion,

5, Children.

Most people are not comfortable talking about money or sex. Hence, why the right questions are not asked before they say I do.

No wonder after you get married, you can discover that you have been lied to. Could it be that you did not ask the right question? Continue reading

SOS:Calling All Stay-At-Home-Mom

In any given economy, there is a groups of people who has to stay alert and vigilant; the Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHM).

Many moms are likely to be blindsided without a plan B… Everyone must have a plan B. It doesn’t matter how much income your spouse is earning now, if you don’t have at least 6 months savings to cover all your monthly living expenses in any given economy you might just find yourself homeless.

It’s unfortunate but bad things do happen to good people. Mothers mean well, we put all our focus on the home and children. We forget to take good care of ourselves and we neglect our pension & contribution to social security.

We bury our heads in the cloud and don’t face the reality of our lives. That reality is that mostly our husband is the main bread-winner. No one prays for bad things to ever happen to his job or health. Well, sometime these things do happen.

So today I’m sounding the alarm, please WAKE UP. We can avoid or at least reduce the impact of a surprise from happening.

.

Continue reading

Planted and flourishing in the Church

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3178826&id=562290836

The first church I ever attended was chosen by my parents, I continued attending the denomination for the next 17 years of my life.

The second church I attended was while I was living in London. I went with a friend and I loved it!! It’s the praise and worship that gets me all the time.

The church was fun and full of life. The first time I ever saw young people serving God and making it look cool, oh yes; I wanted to be a cool God worshiper!

So, fast forward many years later, I have learnt a thing or two about churches: Why it’s important to attend the right church for you and not because your fore fathers attended the church or big mama paid for the bench and pulpit.

Continue reading

Who do you say that I am?

Who is God to you and I? Is it possible that you know the God preached to you by your Pastor, parents and Sunday school’s teacher?

The first 16yrs of my life, I attended the church my parent chose. I didn’t know much about God, the little I knew of Him was to be afraid of Him. The picture I had of Him was just not good at all. Continue reading

2010 – The Year Of "DOING IT"

Most people start the year with a set of goals and vision for 2010. I certainly had a list too and I usually end the previous year taking time out to take note of what I was able to accomplish and which ones I will be adding on to the oncoming year’s list.

I have gotten to that stage that I have run out of excuses why I am unable to do this or that! There are no more excuses for me because I noticed that every year I seem to have one excuse or the other. My initial excuse was because I got pregnant, but now that the baby has arrived, I have no more excuses.

 

Enough is enough, it’s time to grow up and be an adult. There will always be something that prevents us from achieving our goals if we let it and I do understand that live is about seasons but you should be able to recognize what season you are in so that you can set realistic goals.

Continue reading

I Finally Caught The Mission Bug.

For as long as I have been around church folks, attending churches and being a Christian. It wasn’t until 2006 that i finally caught it.

I am excited and looking forward to my first mission trip. I don’t have one planned yet but I know it’s only a matter of time.

It all began in 2006 when we started attending Houston Worship Centre. There were always talks of someone going on mission trips or just returning from one. Our pastor, Pastor Randy Needham, would allow them to give us update regarding their trip.

One thing they had in common, was that look on their faces, like they saw God on that trip. Honestly there was always something about them. Oh well, I would think to myself, that is surely not for me, I am one of those that will send people on mission not go on that mission. I was very happy to financially support ministries to go on missions but I just didn’t have any desires at all.

Continue reading