Happy 1 year Anniversary Bukville!

Hello Everyone!

Bukville is ONE-year-old, wow! How time flies when you are having fun and pursuing your passion.

It seems like just yesterday when I was struggling to make sense of what blogging is all about? Deciding between WordPress and Blogger, and how to set up a WordPress blog.

How we have come a long way from that, and as befitting on our 1-year anniversary we have moved to a self-hosting domain.  I hope it gives us more flexibility with what can be achieved as our plans and vision are enlarged.

How do you like the new look? I haven’t made up my mind yet on the final look and things may soon change around.  What is important to me is to make the site user-friendly and accessible to all.

Got any suggestions? Share them with me and I may just consider it. Thanks!

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Shine! It’s Your Time To Shine.

I came across a blog days ago and it just refreshes my soul and also reminded me of a promise I made to myself in 2007 to give myself the permission to SHINE.

We all need a little reminder from time to time, and since reading the blog, I have been reflecting all over again about that promise.

As a child, my mum told me that I was never shy at all. I am the last child that had to be dragged away from the school play kicking and screaming. I was the little girl that hugs the limelight at another’s child birthday party, which you would almost mistake for the celebrant.

Life happens and after one knock and several more, you start to shy away from your real self. Words spoken by others in anger can also crush us to the core. We refuse to take a leading role in our own lives and start playing the supportive role instead.

While there is nothing wrong with that, the time has come for you to stop hiding away and taking being humble to a ridiculous level. You are missing out in your moment of glory, your time to shine is being passed over to others simply because you have forgotten to give yourself the permission to shine and stand out of the pack.

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Comfort Zone – Leaving it behind

In a previous post, I mentioned how making a simple list helped to guide me and to stay focused on what I needed to do.

On that list was relocation to America. Relocating to America was not an easy decision for me; even though I know it was the right move for me.

London was more than a place of residence, it was my home. London represented my journey to being a woman. I had my first job and paycheck in London, I became a responsible daughter sending money to my mother in Nigeria. I gained my freedom in London, I rented my first room, then my first apartment and later I bought my very first home.

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A Letter To My Past

We have been friends long enough. Today, I have made a decision that we can no longer be friends. Your friendship has become a pain I can no longer bear. Your company is suffocating to me. You have held me back long enough and today it ends.

Though you pretend to be a friend. You were also my oppressor and my prison. I will miss you but not for long. Don’t wait on my return. Don’t count on me running back to you again.

This time my ship has set sail. The Lord is the captain of my ship. I will not return to my vomit.

The times that I have returned, I regretted it. You are no good for me and we can’t be friends. Friendship with you is enmity with God.

I will not choose you over God. I will not choose you over my future. Friendship with you is bondage.

How long will you hold me in bondage? The price of your friendship is just too much to pay. Yes, you have always been there, my loyal painful friend.

You are my constant pity party, my comfort zone,  eating away at my confidence. You are the discouraging voice that won’t let me possess my future promises. The loudest and all too familiar voice in my head.

So long old friend. So long depressions and bitterness. So long my all too familiar alter ego. So long misery and the loudest voice in my head. So long shame and shackle. So long comfort eating and overweight. So long loneliness and guilt.

Welcome my future, brighter may you shine. Welcome God’s mercy and favor. Welcome clarity and honesty. Welcome forgiveness and growth. Welcome new testimonies and breakthrough. Welcome reconciliation and restoration. Welcome freedom, love and truth. Welcome ME!

The Past – Dealing With The Past

The past is one of the weapons the enemy keeps using against believers. He knows you are likely to lose focus, become weak, depressed and distracted. So he keeps bringing it up; just when you think you have dealt with it and overcome. It comes up again and again; remember he is an accuser of the brethren.

Have you found that he uses people in your life to bring up your past? Well meaning Christians, friends or family who know your intimate past will throw it at you with the intent to hurt you when you have a fall out!

Well, welcome to the real world. Everyone has a past. Let us deal with it because it will always hunt you if you don’t. It will be used by the enemy to derail your progress each time you are about to be promoted in life. Making a mistake is not the most important thing, recovering from it is. 

God never bring up your past, devil does. Once you asked for forgiveness it is done and buried under the blood. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12)

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Its My Day.

It’s my birthday today and I feel younger than ever! I woke up to text messages from my siblings and friends, how nice and thoughtful.

I have everything I’ve wanted; God’s in our lives, Adey, the children, being pregnant and absolute joy and peace in my life. Money can’t buy any of those things.

I was serenaded with a special rendition of “happy birthday mom’’. Hahah how sweet, well done guys! I got presents too; a Balenciaga perfume and a house slipper. I can’t decide which one I love the most. I didn’t own a house slipper I usually wear Adey’s. My perfume smells lovely, thank you babe.

Just about 7 years ago, I was living in London, even though I liked having a career and a portfolio of properties that generates income for me on the side. I wanted more that money didn’t give me; I wanted my own family and I honestly didn’t think I could have that before I turned 40 yrs old. I am not yet 40 but getting closer to it.

The Life You Desire

I have been running a race against myself ever since; I didn’t want what anyone else had. I made a simple list of what I wanted and I started competing with myself.

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So You Want To Get Married?

This post is to my younger self, a conversation I wished someone had with me before I ever got married the first time. A little bit of background info to help make thing clearer to you as for why I should have had this dressing down talk.

I left home (Lagos, Nigeria) when I was 17 years old for London, England. I lived with my older brother for a short time and ever since then I’ve lived by myself. I thought being born in a Christian family and attending church makes me a Christian.

No one wanted their freedom as much as I did. I had no clue of how to handle this new-found ”freedom”. Young, unguided, immature, and unteachable. I lived my life on my own terms. A lot of bad decisions leading to bad consequences.

Please note, I’m not asking for sympathy neither am I blaming others. I made my bed and I lied on it too. Getting to lie on this bed is a decision everyone must get to at a point in time.

Who really taught me how to be a wife or even a young lady? My folks were far away and really can’t see the stuff I was getting up to. Great for them, but not great for me.

Then one day out of the blue I thought I was in love and we were going to live forever in love, right? Nah!

If I had the chance to talk to my younger self, today. I would ask her the following:

15  Thought Provoking Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Marriage. 

What makes you think that you are ready for marriage?

What do you know about being a wife, a partner and working as a team?

What are you bringing to the table? What do you have to offer to your husband?

What do you know about a man? Do you understand the male species at all?

Do you know who you are and what are your strengths and weaknesses?

Are you complete in yourself first, to be joined to another person?

What are your core and moral values, what are your relationship deal breakers?

What role is God playing in your life and where are you in your walk with Christ?

Are you really a Christian by name only and what is the foundation of this supposed marriage?

Can you take criticism from others; can you take correction or direction?

Can you honor and obey; can you zip your big mouth and not have the last word always?

Do you love yourself?

Would you marry you?

Do you like what you see and who you have become?

Can you live with you for the rest of your life?

I can honestly tell you now that I was so clueless it was unbelievable, and some of us are still clueless too. God forbid someone had this dressing down with me back then. I’d probably tell them off and avoid them for a while.

The truth is always the truth at all times, regardless if you agree or disagree. In time everyone knows who loved them enough to risk jeopardizing a relationship in order to minister truth in love. In time you will come to appreciate and respect them.

This is why you shouldn’t stand for false friendship. Stop telling me what I want to hear, dare to tell me the truth and get my feelings hurt. It’s better to get hurt for a short-term than to keep going round repeating the same madness

You and I cannot afford to keep going round in circles; we have got to put an end to the madness. I’d rather have no friends at all than having people who can’t tell me the truth.

But are you ready to receive it though? Can you be an adult and take it without no hissy fit?

Some of us can’t take the truth and that is why those who know you best are watching you make a fool of yourself. The last time they told you just a whiny little bit, what did you do? You threw it back in their faces and turned around throwing mud at them, using all the ammunitions and secrets that you knew about them against them.

How do I know this? Because I have been that person, and sincerely I  don’t want you to walk that destructive road. How many more relationships will you ruin with that mouth of yours? Some of us can’t keep silent to save our lives! Well, that won’t work in any relationship; you must be able to hear the truth! You must be teachable to enter God’s promises or else you are going to spend longer than you should in the wilderness.

I am also not waiting on others to tell me the truth. I am going to confront myself and deal with my issues. I am not waiting on my pastor, my husband or anyone else, I am going to fall on my face and cry out to God to reveal who I am to me. I am going to humble myself before the Lord and refuse to move until He answers me.

I am going to be like Jacob and cry from the depth of my soul, ‘’I will not let you go until you bless me, until you change my name and until you take the veil off my eyes and let me see who I am’’

One thing I’ve learned bitterly over the years is that we are the greatest liar to ourselves, we are the greatest obstacle to ourselves, we are just too proud to admit it. Stop blaming the devil for everything, yes he is evil. You are doing real good all by yourself and he hasn’t even started with you yet.

Quit running from your issues and take a look at you. I mean really take an in-depth look and analyze yourself. Dare to be naked and face the truth and deal with it.

Do you like what you see? If you don’t, then do something and quit complaining about it. If you do like what you see, love it and embrace it.

This year put yourself in the driving seat and make your life ‘The Project’. You cannot afford not to do this. You cannot afford to keep making the same mistakes due to ignorance, childishness, pride, and stubbornness. Stop procrastinating and face these tough questions now.

Just because you think you are ready for marriage does not mean you are. You might like the idea of marriage but have no clue about it.

Age is not also a yardstick for getting married. I know some cool young couples in their early 20’s who have more common sense than me when I was in my 30’s. They are married and happy, while others in their 30’s and 40’s can’t even stay together for 2 years.  Age is not maturity.

Most time we want to focus on the man, who he should be, how he should look, what kind of job he should have and can he take care of his business? Yeah, yeah, those are great questions but you are not ready for that now.

You have to work on you first. Young lady, young man, deal with yourself first!

Those areas of weaknesses you see in yourself are just areas to be developed, listen and pay attention to them.

Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It’s being the right person.
– Robert Browning

Your pretty face can open the door but your character and mouth will shut the door every time. The world is full of beautiful women, what else do you have to offer apart from your beauty?

Stop acting; you know you deserved an Academy award for the best actress in your category. You and I are not fooling anyone except ourselves.

This is the first step to getting real and dealing with your issues. You know what they are, stop lying to yourself!

I have had to do this myself, deal with my issues and I’ve still got more to work on. I am not better than you or know it all. I have people in my life who will confront me, even though I might not enjoy it. I have to listen to them because it’s for my good. And I also know they are right!

My mouth has gotten me into a lot of trouble and also gotten me out of some. I’ve spent a lot of my time reading the book of Proverbs. The Bible doesn’t lie, if you want understanding then get wisdom (Proverbs 4:7). Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent (Proverbs 17:28) Hello!

Know your issues and work on them. You are not going to possess God’s best without knowing who you are and identifying the areas you need to focus on.

Jacob had to be transformed to be the father of the 12 tribes of Israel. He had to wrestle and contend with God at his time of desperate need. You cannot keep settling for less when you know it’s your Father’s good pleasure to give you the best.

This is your desperate hour, your desperate year. Are you ready for your full inheritance? I am sounding the alarm for you to wake up and take your rightful place. It is your time to arise and shine for your light has come. And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people. But the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you (Isaiah 60:1-2)

First Things First

Welcome to 2011, I am excited and can’t wait to dive into all of God’s goodness for this year. It is the dawn of a New Year, so many decisions and choices ahead.

There is so much to accomplish and overcome this year. I don’t know about you, as for us we are going to be busy!

Juggling 2 toddlers and another arrival on the way, it’s almost here now. We are in the last trimester and we are so excited to smell the new life that Almighty God is entrusting unto us.

I am ready to run the race that is before me and I am going to finish strong. I am not ignorant of the devices of the enemy and I hope you are not too.

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Thank You From Bukville

Hi Everyone,

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

This year has been a great year for us and to top it all, I am so grateful for the opportunity to have connected with you all.

Your contributions and participation in Bukville have been invaluable. That is why I am asking for your opinions on what you think of Bukville and what you expect from it in the future.

Tolu said “it is not fictional in any way, if it tries, then the whole message of Bukville is defeated”

Blimey said “Bukville is therapy to some, encouragement to some, wake up call for others, and hope and inspiration for a lot of people. It is straight from the heart without reservation”

Excellent feedback! Tolu and Blimey, – I am staying well away from friction, thanks!

I am asking you the same question. Please be honest, otherwise it wont help me. Please don’t hold back, we need to know the truth in order to grow. So bring it on people!

Bukville is all about “learning and growing together” and that way I can help serve you better.

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Are You Ready For 2011?

As we are about to enter 2011, I have been making time to set up new goals and visions for next year.

This time of the year for me is more about reflecting on the entire year  and being honest with myself about things I should improve on next year.

As I was looking back on the vision set for 2010, I remember starting  Bukville. I was scared and not too sure of myself but I have some really great people who truly believed in me.

 

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Chaperone Anyone?

So imagine my surprise on our first date when I was informed that there will be a friend coming along? A friend coming along with us on our first date I thought, what for?

The definition of Chaperone by http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chaperone is as follows;

1 – a person (as a matron) who for propriety accompanies one or more young unmarried women in public or in mixed company

2 –  an older person who accompanies young people at a social gathering to ensure proper behavior; broadly : one delegated to ensure proper behavior

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Helpful Tips – While You Wait On God

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These are helpful tips to help you get through those tough times while you wait on God for your precious babies.

Please feel free to add to these lists as we learn and grow together.

Whether you chose to go thru the IVF, Natural or Adoption route you still need God’s guidance and agreement with your husband.

Children are a blessing  and they will bring you a lot of joy and sleepless nights, lol.

They are not the source of happiness and they do not solve problems or a hectic lifestyle, they add to it.

It is very important to work on your marriage before you bring children into it as they can compound the problems you are ignoring.

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Everyone is Pregnant except ME – Part 2.

While believing God for our children, I often thought that I deserved this, after all I was a reformed sinner, and God knows maybe my past is finally catching up with me.

Let me tell you this; Jesus died for sinners and not for righteous Christians. He died for you and I. He paid the price so we don’t have to. Quit being hard on yourself and start loving you, there is nothing you and I can do to stop God from loving or blessing us. Even when we are faithless, He cannot deny himself, He is faithful.

On the issues of past mistakes, deal with it and let it be settled once and forever. It is under the blood, as far as the east is from the west. That is how far God never remember our sinful past. Learn to forgive yourself, it is so easy for us to forgive others but we struggle in forgiving ourselves. Don’t continue to live under condemnation, chose to live under the grace that is available to you today.

Before we conceived, there were days that all I did was cried, I couldn’t even pray. I would start with prayer and just ended up slobbering in tears. I would do all my crying in his absence and put a brave face on upon his return home.

 

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Everyone Is Pregnant Except ME – Part 1.

Everyone is pregnant except me! That was my outburst to Adey on returning from Deerbrook Mall in 2006. With tears rolling down my face, I don’t know how much of this I can honestly take on.

You might have mistaken the mall for some type of “Stroller Olympics” or a “Stroller Convention”.

I have never seen so many pregnant women, in one place, or so many moms pushing their strollers while pregnant too.

I don’t remember why I went to the mall, but I returned empty handed because I just couldn’t handle all the pregnancies. Yes, I may be exaggerating a little but all I saw were pregnant women at every turn.

We had just been married less than a year, and I desired to have children on our wedding night, if it was possible.  My world view was shaped by my own desire to get pregnant ASAP! All I saw were pregnant women everywhere all the time.

I bet you are wondering, why was I so desperate to get pregnant so soon?

In other to understand the present or future, we must sometimes take a step back into the past. However much we don’t want to re-live those horrible feelings and experiences.

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Friends or Frenemies – Part 2

In Part 1, I talked about my emotional melt down and pity party, how I felt alone and friendless. Thank God we don’t walk by feelings but by faith.

I might have had my moments of pity party but I did not completely lose my mind to assume that my friends are bad.

There are different levels of relationships and once you identify them for what they really are. You will save yourself a lot of heartbreak, disappointment and unrealistic expectations.

 

Take an inventory of those in your life and drop the dead weight that are holding you back. Where God is taking you, you can’t take Lot with you. If God had already taken Lot out of your life, don’t invite him back or look back like Lot’s wife did.

Different types of friendships.

1. Church friends – These are friends that you attend the same church with. These relationship can develop into deep friendship but a lot of the times they are just church friends. They might not necessary call you, if you’re absence from church for weeks. It doesn’t mean that they are bad friends, they might not want to over step their boundaries. If you invest more effort in these friendships it can certainly develop into a beautiful relationship simply because you have the love of God in common.

2. Online friends – These are your cyber friends that you met online such as Facebook, blogs etc.  You only really talk to them when you are online and they don’t have your contact details other than email address. Means of communication is usually thru Messengers, Skype, etc.

Can this type of friendship developed to real friendship? Yes but not all the time. They don’t know the real you and in cyberspace it is so easy to create a false persona. You might be true to yourself but how do you know that they are whom they profess to be? Take these relationships nice and slow and you could have a pen-pal friendship in the end but tread with caution.

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Friends Or Frenemies – Part 1

Today (21 November), I had an emotional melt down plus a pity party. I have had better days than today and I am glad it is over. It is one thing to have an emotional melt down but plus a pity party? That is a sad combination.

So what happened? My husband who some of you know is also my best friend has been working abroad for the last 12 days. I miss him and I am tired along with being pregnant. I considered myself to be a strong person so I am just going to blame everything on my hormones (denial).

Yes, I am pregnant and at home with 2 toddlers under the age of 4yrs old. I love being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and I usually cope well when hubby is away. Still, play along with me since I am blaming everything on my hormones (denial again)

I woke up really tired and tried getting ready for church, the children were not co-operating or so it seems. I decided maybe it was best we stayed home instead.

Out of nowhere and without notice, I just felt really sad and alone. I started weeping and I was just down on myself for no reason.

The truth is in the last12 days since hubby left, I have had less human contacts and very few contact with the outside world. My phone hardly rings and when I had tried to reach some friends and family I was greeted with their voicemail and my calls were not returned.

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Singles Talk: Who Should Pay?

While Adey and I were courting, we saw each other on and off about 5 times before I eventually move to America to plan our wedding. I was living in London while we were dating and I paid for all my travelling expenses. It never occurred to me to ask him and he didn’t offer to pay for my flight either.

Y’all know I was a desperado right? Oh yeah! I knew what I wanted and I was going for it and nothing was going to get in my way. Not even who pays for what.

I was single and fabulous (still fabulous) and I had my own money. It never occurred to me to ask at all.

In all honesty I figured that once I am in, I will be greatly reimbursed for all my costs, lol. For real too, I wanted babies and a happy marriage as my reimbursement. (Which he’s awesomely doing) Not cash and gift that I would spend in no time (that he’s also doing) and didn’t have any lasting value.

So this was what happened to my girl friend, she met Mr. Right (me think) but he didn’t offer to pay for her flight or any of her travelling expenses and she was not happy about it. She also felt that he should be calling more; she didn’t try too hard herself because she believed that was his job.

To cut a long boring story short, she dropped him. Who was at fault? What really are the rules of long distance dating?

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The Season To Remember Others…….

Its Thanksgiving and I find myself struggling to write something that have that festive feeling that we all want in this season.

At first it just didn’t make sense, and then it occurred to me why? I bet you are curious too.

Not so long ago I actually detested any festive holidays. It was yet another reason to remember my lonely state of mind and how I didn’t have this and that to fill my life with. It was a time to watch others living the life I so longed for.

Few years back I joined my family for yet another Christmas dinner, it was nice of them to include me. The truth was I felt out-of-place, sometimes I can’t help thinking maybe they feel sorry for me and can’t bear to see me spend another festive holiday alone with my Chinese fried rice and wonton soup.

The evening was going great, lovely food and nice company. Just then my nephew asked me a question. “Aunty why don’t we see uncle again”????

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Great Fathers Are A Blessing.

My father died in 1986 and my world as I knew it changed forever. Growing up and having my father around was great. I took it for granted that he would always be around. I was only 13yrs old when he died and I never wanted anyone else to take his place. There was a void in my life with his passing away that I never knew would happen.

Since his passing on, I have had very few male role models in my life; I have not looked for any. I didn’t think I needed one either.

I have otherwise been blessed with a few male role models in my life, they might not regard themselves as father figure but they have played a role in my life that I will forever be grateful to them all the days of my life

My brother Julius also known as Diran stepped up to the plate when Daddy died. He was a young man himself needing his father but he just really rallies us together and was there for us all. I remember when I arrived in London in 1989, how he took good care of me. He helped me to get my first job working at McDonald. He failed to tell me why we were going there though.

I was so excited thinking he’s going to buy me my favorite McChicken sandwich with vanilla milk shake. Until we got there and his friend the manager came out and they both started talking about me like I wasn’t there. My mind was still fixated on the food to come and I wasn’t paying much attention to their conversation, until he said I would be back to start work the following day. Suffice to say he didn’t buy me any McChicken sandwich before leaving too.

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The Lessons I Have Learned In 5 years Of Marriage

I have been reflecting on the lessons I have learnt in my 5 years of marriage. Compare to some, my husband and I are just newbies in the marital dance. We try not to keep the lessons we’ve learnt to ourselves, others can also benefit from our experience just as we have benefitted from others experiences. So, let us share it with one another.

There are more lessons but am trying to keep my blog post short!

These are just a few from a long list of important lessons I have learnt along the way.

1. Honor

Honoring my husband is important. What matters to women and men are so different. Men want honor and respect above sex and cooking. Sex and cooking are important but they can’t live on that 24/7. What will eventually keep him coming home every day is honor and respect.

I am not perfect in these areas but I am learning fast and seeing great results.  In every man; there is a king and a fool. Whose response do you want? Who are you speaking to? If you speak to the king in him, not only do you get the king’s response, you get his rewards too.

This I have learnt, practiced and seen great result. So every time I open my big mouth I ask myself who am I addressing and what do I hope to achieve?

You can get all from your husband without nagging, manipulations, without holding sex or not cooking for him, etc.

Just by choosing to honor him daily, especially when you don’t think he deserve honor, so to speak. I learnt this from my husband; he apologizes to me when I know am wrong! This convicts me more than anything.

We don’t honor our husband because he deserves it, we do it unto the Lord, and He is the greatest rewarder of all.

2. Take Your Problems To God.

In 5 yrs I have not had to call a family meeting on my husband or into our marriage. Do we have issues like every other couple? Yep! but we know who keeps us together is God, He knows my husband better than I do. I go to God in prayer and report him to His Father in secret.

It works if you are willing to wait on God and be patience, as long as your motives are pure and your agenda is not self seeking. God is not a fool and He won’t be mocked, if he’s silent, then check yourself out. God does not and will not honor the prayers of a rude wife even if the husband is not acting right. God is a God of order and He honors authority and submission.

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