Women are sometimes confused with what is classified as abusive behavior. It is not until he physically hits you. There are obvious signs along the way you might have chosen to ignore, that your friends and family can see them.
Call it whatever name you want to emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and domestic abuse. Abuse is abuse.
Often, it is kept as a secret because women usually blame themselves and they feel ashamed that they have permitted them.
Look, it happens to people, period! You name it; even to the most educated and intelligent person. Yes, you can have Ph.D., MBA… and still, make a bad choice in a partner.
Usually, the abusive person has issues, not you. Ok, you are the enabler in the name of “love”. Oh please! Not the “I love him all over again”.
Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you should give up on your life. Just because you want love in your life does not mean that you should permit someone to abuse you
That is what we do when we allow other people to hurt us and we stay with them. In the US once you are 18 years and above, the law considers you are capable of making certain decisions for yourself. GROW up and take charge of your life!
Signs to look for.
1. Friends and families can’t stand him
2. He tells you that your friends are no good and he makes it almost impossible for you to have any friends. – He tells you what to wear.
3. He robbed you of your self-esteem and dignity by constantly telling you that you are; fat and ugly, no one else will have you. You should be happy and grateful you have him, you are nothing.
4. He destroys your personal belongings, personal pictures, wedding pictures, and heirlooms.
5. He blames you for his abusive behavior. It’s your fault for getting him upset and getting beat in return.
6. He disregards all your feelings or understands your pain. No empathy or compassion toward you.
7. He is in charge of the finance and uses it as a tool to keep you in check.
8. He accuses you of cheating with male friends from church, work-mates, or even his own friends.
9. He is never wrong.
10 He accuses you of talking too much when you are out with friends to get attention.
11 He accuses you of flirting with everyone, even the mailman.
12 He never supports you on anything that will lead to your personal advancement.
13 He wants you to engage in sexual activities against your will with him and third parties.
14 He continuously engages in rough and painful sexual intercourse even after you have told him many times that it’s hurtful.
15 He is only happy with you when you do as you are told.
16 He rains on your parade and it makes him feel good.
17 The children are afraid and the atmosphere of the home changes upon his arrival.
18 You only have fun when he’s absent.
19 You constantly wish and pray for him to work away from home more.
20) He isolates you from your friends and families.
If you can spot some of these signs – you are in an abusive relationship. Personally, I will be sleeping with one eye open.
We have not even scratched the surface of signs to watch out for.
The most important thing anyone can do for themselves is “to be honest with thyself”. Tell yourself the truth, do not live a lie. Even if you are lying to everyone else, never lie to yourself.
Once you start believing the lies you are telling others, it is a slippery road to La La Land! These can lead to an emotional and mental breakdown. Do not let the men in white coats come get you.
See what’s in front of you, not what you want to see, imagine or fantasize about.
Talk to your friends and families, they know already and are probably waiting for you to “get it”.
Do not isolate yourself anymore, join a church, and take up exercises like karate (YEE HAW!).
Gradually reconnect with your friends and let them know you are taking steps to freedom.
Get counseling for yourself first. You need to be strong before you can help him if he’s willing.
Take up a new hobby – it may lead to new friends, if your old friends are already tired of hearing you say, he will change.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:19.
Stay strong. Don’t give up.