20 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Women are sometimes confused with what is classified as abusive behavior. It is not until he physically hits you. There are obvious signs along the way you might have chosen to ignore, that your friends and family can see them.

Call it whatever name you want to emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and domestic abuse. Abuse is abuse.

Often, it is kept as a secret because women usually blame themselves and they feel ashamed that they have permitted them.

Look, it happens to people, period! You name it; even to the most educated and intelligent person. Yes, you can have Ph.D., MBA… and still, make a bad choice in a partner. 

Usually, the abusive person has issues, not you. Ok, you are the enabler in the name of “love”. Oh please! Not the “I love him all over again”.

Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you should give up on your life. Just because you want love in your life does not mean that you should permit someone to abuse you

That is what we do when we allow other people to hurt us and we stay with them. In the US once you are 18 years and above, the law considers you are capable of making certain decisions for yourself. GROW up and take charge of your life!

Signs to look for.

1. Friends and families can’t stand him

2. He tells you that your friends are no good and he makes it almost impossible for you to have any friends. – He tells you what to wear.

3. He robbed you of your self-esteem and dignity by constantly telling you that you are; fat and ugly, no one else will have you. You should be happy and grateful you have him, you are nothing.

4. He destroys your personal belongings, personal pictures, wedding pictures, and heirlooms.

5. He blames you for his abusive behavior. It’s your fault for getting him upset and getting beat in return. 

6. He disregards all your feelings or understands your pain. No empathy or compassion toward you. 

7. He is in charge of the finance and uses it as a tool to keep you in check. 

8. He accuses you of cheating with male friends from church, work-mates, or even his own friends.

9. He is never wrong.

10 He accuses you of talking too much when you are out with friends to get attention. 

11 He accuses you of flirting with everyone, even the mailman.

12 He never supports you on anything that will lead to your personal advancement.

13 He wants you to engage in sexual activities against your will with him and third parties.

14 He continuously engages in rough and painful sexual intercourse even after you have told him many times that it’s hurtful. 

15 He is only happy with you when you do as you are told.

16 He rains on your parade and it makes him feel good.

17 The children are afraid and the atmosphere of the home changes upon his arrival.

18 You only have fun when he’s absent.

19 You constantly wish and pray for him to work away from home more.

20) He isolates you from your friends and families.

If you can spot some of these signs – you are in an abusive relationship. Personally, I will be sleeping with one eye open.

We have not even scratched the surface of signs to watch out for.

The most important thing anyone can do for themselves is “to be honest with thyself”. Tell yourself the truth, do not live a lie. Even if you are lying to everyone else, never lie to yourself.

Once you start believing the lies you are telling others, it is a slippery road to La La Land! These can lead to an emotional and mental breakdown. Do not let the men in white coats come get you. 

See what’s in front of you, not what you want to see, imagine or fantasize about.

Talk to your friends and families, they know already and are probably waiting for you to “get it”.

Do not isolate yourself anymore, join a church, and take up exercises like karate (YEE HAW!).

Gradually reconnect with your friends and let them know you are taking steps to freedom.

Get counseling for yourself first. You need to be strong before you can help him if he’s willing.

Take up a new hobby – it may lead to new friends, if your old friends are already tired of hearing you say, he will change. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:19.

Stay strong. Don’t give up. 

About Buky

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager, loves sharing practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.


  1. WOW BUKY!

    This is another stellar read! So many women make excuses for the behavior and I think it may be when there self esteem get stolen? Yes stolen, when someone takes self esteem away with there words of insults and demeaning attitude, along with a nasty dose of why you are the worst wife ever, leaving a women brain washed from the words and on slot of questioning herself saying, "well maybe he is right?" and then spiraling down to feeling numb, worthless and stuck! The isolation is a tactic to cover the abusers tracks, this person is a coward! This person must guard the very lies he is believing to prove his point is right and the truth is He is probably
    feeling all those things about himself. The bible talks about people deceiving themselves and then deceiving others! This is to me the biblical answer? My opinion. A great book for someone is "Whoops, I forgot my wife!" I don't imply that only men are abusers at all, but responding from a women's point of view. The bible charges men to LOVE their wife. God knows best! LOVE NEVER FAIL! ….if there are some women reading this and you are the abuser, reread and put your name in the above. No room for excuses.

  2. Keep up the good work, I like your writing.

  3. I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

    • Hi Lea,

      Thanks for your time, all the best with your new blog. I am kind of new to blogging myself, so far so good. I am having a blast and getting to know some fabulous people too. Let me know if I can help you in anyway.

  4. Hey, i am new to this and yet a little late i think. But i just wanted to say. Ive been through a few of these, ive lived it in this flesh. And all i can say is you are always in denial. you are constantly trying to believe his behavior is your fault. I never want to go through this again. I am so glad i read this, I was trying to put Gods will before mine by doing the right thing. But now i am seeing even more clearly. I never want another woman to go through it. It is not right, not correct. But most of all not the happiness God wants us to have inside

    • Mayra, so glad to have you join us at Bukville, welcome and I hope you stick around.

      You are never too late to comment on any post, your opinion and experience matters. I rejoice with you for being able to put that behind you, that is in your past now. It is never your fault and I am glad you know that now. As you embark on your walk with God, He will guide you and never lead you astray. Continue to trust Him and start putting the old behaviours behind you. Pls be bold and share your experiences with other women that are yet to come out of abusive relationship. You are a walking testimony that they too can make it out.

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on the blog. All the best to you and the new life that awaits you.

  5. Thank u buky for the word of encouragement,i really appreciate u.I am new to this blogging but i like to be a follower,just keep the good work going.

    • Yemisi, Thank you for your support and being a part of Bukville. I am excited to have you on-board, as we journey thru life learning and growing together.

  6. Buky…You're awesome!!! This is so strong.

  7. I think you have a great page here… today was my first time coming here.. I just happened to find it doing a google search. anyway, good post.. I’ll be bookmarking this page for sure.

  8. Your style is unique in comparison to other folks I have read stuff from. Many thanks for posting.

  9. Hi! This post couldn’t be written any better! Thanks for sharing!|

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