As I was bathing my little son. He’s 16 months, a super cute, handsome little fella with the biggest smile!
My mind begins to wander while I stared into his smiling face, questions rushing thru my mind. One of the questions was Does Mama Really Knows Best?
It got me thinking about my mother and myself, now a mother of 2 children. Do I really know what is best for them?
After all, they didn’t come with any manuals, you can buy books on raising children, but all children are not alike. They are totally and completely different, and you can not raise them the same way.
My desire to be a mom does not necessarily mean that I will be a good one or am up to the task of dealing with what it takes to do the job correctly.
I have my hourly, daily, weekly, monthly struggles to perform my role to the best of my abilities. Sometimes the children give me this look (when I am stressed out) like, ‘what is she doing? At least, I thought that was what they were thinking. Maybe it’s ‘get a grip, woman.’
I speak in tongues daily against my desire to do so. The staggering task ahead of me daily makes me break out in tongues. Once I am done writing this piece, I will break out in more tongues, as I still have the dishes, laundry, folding, packing to do! Trying to raise children without God is absolute madness.
Yet, no one else looked toward being a mom as much as I did. Still, I have my regular doubts, but they don’t last for long; the next round of doo-doo will soon snap me back to reality.
What an immeasurable task it is to raise a life. The responsibility of nurturing, guiding, being a good example, teaching, making sure that they get their educational, mental, and social development. Countless and countless roles you have to play and wearing different caps; be the mom, be the friend, be the role model, be this and that!
My mind wonders about this question in particular. As parents, can we always be sure that the decisions we make for them are right?
We have so many angry and messed-up people in the world because of divorces, adoptions, broken homes, unequipped parents, etc.
My focus is mainly on “Mamas” because most of the time (not all the time), when families fall apart, Mamas’ are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces.
Most times, we do an outstanding job; other times, we are barely children needing our mama too. Children raising children, a recipe for disaster.
Often the circumstances surrounding the birth of a child are not all celebrated. Mothers make decisions to leave abusive relationships to raise their child in a safe and loving atmosphere. Divorce happens too. Painful decisions to give up a child for adoption are no joke for any mother. Even though taken in goodwill, all of these factors sometimes have negative effects on the same children one tried to protect.
I can’t help thinking that mothers can’t win; whichever decision was made 10 plus years ago is coming back to haunt them later.
When we are left to ourselves to raise the new generation, future leaders, world shakers alone, but Mama is not equipped, she doesn’t have what it takes to do a good job because nothing could have prepared her for the role of her life. Some are just making do, doing whatever it takes to win the battle today.
Hindsight is always 20 20, and then it is too late. The damage is done, and you can not go back and rewrite history or make right the wrongs.
When Dodie Osteen visited our church, she shared how she wrote letters to her children and others asking for forgiveness when she discovered that she had cancer and was given weeks to live. Mama Dodie Osteen was healed of cancer.
Mothers, let’s take a good look at ourselves – we are not perfect. We do make mistakes right in front of our children. More is caught than taught. Look back at some of the decisions you’ve made that might have contributed and negatively shaped lives.
Write a love letter of apology to your children today while there is still time to make a difference. Better still, call them up, acknowledge you made some mistakes and you are sorry because you did not know any better yourself.
Note to self: I’m not expecting my mother to ever apologize for anything. African Mamas usually don’t do stuff like that. They are the Mama, and you are the child, end of. Most African Mamas will tell you, I fed you, clean up after you, be glad, and stop the nonsense. Lol, I’m not joking. That is the way our mamas are.
We don’t have to be like the old generation. We can learn from others’ mistakes and do better with our children. Our parents did the best with what they had, and I commend them for a job well done. Our generation has better access to information and technology. What good are we putting them to?
If you are a father reading this post, feel free to do the same also. Check out my post on Joseph, The forgotten.
CAUTION – Please don’t do this expecting your child/ren to response back positively. It all depend on what kind of relationship you have now and where they are on their own journey. Also remember you have had time to process this information and they haven’t. Only do this with the right motives, in time hopefully not too long they will come to accept your apologies and see the sincerity of your heart..
Why apologize now?
You are leaving a lasting legacy for your children. While you may not be able to right all the wrongs. You sure can leave a legacy of love and humility. I can assure you they will come to appreciate it when they also become a parent. Every new parent will have that moment in their parent’s shoe and experience what you had to deal with.
A Legacy of love and humility will far outshine that of “Mama is always right.”