After my father died, my world as I knew it changed forever. Growing up and having my father around was great. I took it for granted that he would always be around. I was a teenager when he died and I never wanted anyone else to take his place.
Since his passing on, I have had very few male role models in my life; I have not looked for any. I didn’t think I needed one either.
I have otherwise been blessed with a few male role models in my life, they might not regard themselves as a father figure but they have played a role in my life that I will forever be grateful to them all the days of my life
My brother, Julius stepped up to the plate when Daddy died. He was a young man himself needing his father but he just really rallies us together and was there for us all. I remember when I arrived in London in 1989, how he took good care of me. He helped me to get my first job working at McDonald. He failed to tell me why we were going there though. Lol!!
I was so excited thinking he’s going to buy me my favorite McChicken sandwich with a vanilla milkshake. Until we got there and his friend the manager came out and they both started talking about me like I wasn’t there. My mind was still fixated on the food and I wasn’t paying much attention to their conversation until he said I would be back to start work the following day. Suffice to say he didn’t buy me any McChicken sandwich before leaving.
Aside from that, he is dependable, reliable, and always finds time to be there for us. He is the ultimate peacemaker in our family; often he is stuck in the middle settling disputes. He managed to always find something we can always agree on regardless of how much we all really feel. He is an Accountant by profession, but I think he can help bring peace to the conflict in the Middle East. Lol!!
Tragedy can either bring out the worst in you or allow your inner strength to rise up. That was the case with my brother; he went from being a young lad to becoming a man that had to take care of a whole family. While his friends were living it up, he had to work hard to support us financially and many other ways. He kept a roof over my mother’s head and paid off the outstanding mortgage on my father’s house. He has never asked for a penny or any recognition for all that he did. He has always been supportive and encouraging me to go for gold.
Our move to Houston, Texas led us to HWC. We walked in on a midweek service, amazing praise and worship and the word was fresh and powerful. From the very first time we knew this was going to be our church. It has been 4 years since and we have never regretted that decision. At HWC, not only did we find our family we also find our spiritual parent in Pastor Randy and Lucie Needham.
They never asked us about our past, they were never interested in that part of our lives. All they have been interested in is our future, they spoke life into us in a way no other father had done into my own life since my dad died. The more life he spoke, the more I started to believe that maybe I can aspire to do the things he was speaking over me.
Then I started to see what I had been missing out on all this time. A father’s role is more than just providing warmth, shelter, and food. One of the most important roles of a father is to speak life into your life. It takes a father to spot potential, the diamond in the rough, and then nurture it to its full potential. There is an authority and blessing that only a father can command and if we know our places as children and allow fathers to take their rightful position it will be to our benefit.
We see the impact of a father’s word in the life of their children throughout the bible; a good example is that of Jacob declaring blessing unto the 12 tribes of Israel
Fathers also bring correction to our lives, which was lacking in my life. You cannot live your life on your own terms and not be accountable to anyone. Who corrects you and speaks the truth in love when you are off the mark? Are you just a law to yourself? No wonder our prisons are full of fatherless men and women in prisons.
Mothers do a great job, but there is an absence of good male role models in the world currently. The world is missing out on great fathers that can change the course of a child’s life for the better. There is a part fathers are meant to play; men are just not sperm donors. Women often don’t know much about the male species yet we are left with the daunting task of raising sons.
There are many homes that are single parents’ homes, mothers doing a fine job and I applaud you all. It saddens my heart that some of them are also missing out on those great fathers’ input and support.
I am not apportioning blame on any side. I’m simply stating that there is a void in a child’s life when fathers are absent.
Any man can father a child but not every man can stick around for the long run. The world is full of “baby daddies”. We need better male role models that can impart life for good and the better. It would be great if they are the biological dads but we know that it’s not necessary.
Pastor Randy Needham is Caucasian, while I am an African. We have nothing in our background in common except for one thing, God. The love of God is much more powerful than blood. The love of God is much more than family history, traditions, languages, color, or ethnicity.
Yet, he has impacted my life in so many ways than even I could have foreseen.
Thanks to all the great fathers out there that are looking out for all the fatherless children, long may you all live.
If you happen to be someone that grew up without the love of a loving and present father. There is a father that will never leave you or abandon you ever. His name is Jesus, if you would open your heart to him today and receive him into your life. Things will begin to change for you. He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. He will be there for you always; he loved you before you love him,
I am grateful for the years I got to spend with my father, he was not a perfect man, but he was the greatest Dad in the world. He taught me that men can be strong yet kind and loving with their children. He was always approachable and never gets bored of listening to me. He took care of us and he spends time with us, which I really enjoyed, and still have many wonderful memories of. In the current world that we live in, most of the time we don’t hear of good fathers and I am glad that I can testify to what a great father he was and a few more God has blessed me with.
This post would not be justified if I did not mention, of course, the father of my own children Adey, who I have watched his interaction with our children and his spiritual leadership.
He is the king and priest of our house and he is also the watchman and gatekeeper of our home. He serves as the spiritual covering for our household.
Another wise blog post, Buky! You put so much hard work into your writings and they are a pleasure to read.
Kayle, Thank you so much for your support.
Really great post Buky. It's interesting because my father is still alive but we are not close at all. Our last involvement was during our wedding and even then he did and said some pretty awful things in the situation.
I don't know if my relationship with my father affected how I viewed men as I never felt I had a positive male role model to look up to. Thankfully God is a God of answered prayer and always gives you what you need. He has blessed me with an excellent husband who is an great role model and reinforces that there good guys out there. I know he will be a shining example to our children.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Chichi, Am so sorry to hear that you are not so close with your father. I am glad that your experience with him have not affected you in finding a great man in Mr E. God knows what is best for us and how wonderful He has blessed you with a great man. I use all the negatives experiences that I had to teach myself how not to be and how to do better. I hope you will take all the lessons you have learnt from your relationship with your father and make sure that history doesnt repeat itself. Parents have a huge job to do raising up children especially if they themselves dont have the right tools. I am not trying to make excuse for your father but to learn from it.
I love reading your feedback and your sincerity and genuineness of heart is awesome. I am so glad we can learn from each other.
I always enjoy reading your share's .This one made me think back when I loost my father,not much older than you.But because of my father's illness and mother's deed I missed out on alot.and when I think on it . It makes me sad and I feel cheated.Cause the time I did spend with my father ,It was always joyful time.I was bless to have a foster father that was very good to me and was a good father to me .I thank GOD for putting me in his home. friend Janice
Chichi,
I can relate to your situation. I remember when I had a quarrel with my Dad-now passed; I wrote a long email. On the subject line, I typed…"You need to print".
For one year we never spoke but I kept praying to God this man must not die. Funny, he realized his faults and came to the U.S.A and did his 9ja appology, if you know what I mean…lol
Anyway, I realized at that moment we as Parents need to show our Children it's ok to say 'sorry'.
I do miss him during Father's day or Birthdays but I know he is resting and my heart is at peace.
I must say this is a great article i enjoyed reading it keep the good work :)
Randy Pena, Thank you for stopping by and your kind feeback
Bukky,you brought tears into my eyes,and made me remember moments I shared with my dad before he passed on.
One fateful day in January 2003,I was in law school,listening to a lecture in the hall of more than 1,500 law graduates from all over the world,
I got a sms I was relunctant to check it because I was enjoying the lecture but I still checked it… I wish I had not checked it that time-
Imagine the words of the text-'Dad is gone',I screamed,shouted,cried and disrupted the entire class;I was assisted by my friends who took me out then I cried and cried and cried.
I cried till there was no more tear dropping from my eyes…this was the man that taught me all that I knew.
He told me we were going to be in law school together,I laughed I said daddy no,you can't do that at your old age. When I was aditted for law,he said-'lara you made my dream come true'.
Looks like I am creating another blog already…..
Lara, Reading your comments brought tears to my eyes too. It took me back to the day i found out my father passed away, how devastated were both of us?
Now you are an accomplished lawyer, successful woman, wife and a powerful woman of God.
I know he is so proud of you girl and you have made his dream come true.
I am proud to know you too and the best is yet to come for us all
When I got married my husband tried to fill my dad's gap
I told him don't bother just be you;cause no one can fill my father's gap
He was just everything any child will want in a father…simple,told the truth at all times,
Very knowledgeable,he knew something about everything,he wasn't the richest dad but he was rich in all.
I think every child deserves a good father. Guys if you aint ready don't go there,cause you will be doing injustice to the children you have and didn't care for.
I read the first part of ur post and felt so sad about the passing of ur Dad, but as i read on i started smiling. I cannot say that i understand how one feels growing up without a Dad, mine is still alive. He has been there for me everytime. I am so glad that i found another in my husband. Father figures r so important in our lives, we get to learn so much from them. My mother wielded the cain as a means of correction while Dad would just sit u down and calmly tell u why what u had done was wrong. I am glad that u have found several "Dads" to stand in for him. I so love ur post, infact i always look forward to reading them. U r so down to earth and real. Well done and thanks for sharing. The world would be more peaceful if more men would step up and be fathers to their children.
Ety, so glad that your dad is one of those "great fathers", what a blessing!
Are you sure our mothers are not friends, lol. Mother wear many hats and sometimes we dont get to see them in the best light. I have a post in the works right now to address that issue.
Your comments are always sincere and truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing
This is a lovely piece. Highly instructive! On a lighter note, i hope those left out of the role models list do not take offence. Keep the ink flowing!
Lloyd,
Thank you for your feedback and for taking the time to read my post.
B, how are you? I thank God for your life, Adey's and your children.
Where do I start?
Diran is a friend, having been at Accountancy college together, slugging it out to forge and shape our future as accountants, making us WHO and WHAT we are today, to the glory of God.
I attest to everything you've written about your dear brother and my friend. What a coincidence that I had known Diran several years before I got to meet with you and become a very good, dependable and trustworthy friend and confidante. I am lucky to know you, Diran and Shade and spouses.
To the point.
You have touched on a topic and subject so dear and close to my heart, for so many reasons.
Amongst them, my father passed away 4 years ago BUT before then did not live with my mum, 3 other brothers and a sister of mine.
In fact, he hadn't for at least 37 years before his demise. His soul will continually rest in eternal peace. We speak well of the dead but my dead left a void in mine and my siblings lives, not when he deceased but those 37 years ago.
We grew to learn surviving, which to the glory of God, we did. But growing up without the father and a father in our lives was hard. It was a blessing in disguise because it has made up what we are in our respective families today, myself and my siblings: Yemi, Ayo, Gbenga and Moji. We glorify God and kudos to our mum for the fantastic job she did with God's helping hand.
Fast forward to my adolescence and when I started my own family life.
2000-01, as you know, B, was another major life changing bombshell. However, that resilience that my siblings and I developed whilst growing up helped me in this circumstance.
Friends such as yourself (you do remember you were my closest confidante at this time, as I've written on numerous occasions) were there as angels from above.
I refer to one of your quotes above:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any man can father a child but not every man can stick around for the long run. The world is full of “baby daddies’”. We need better male role model that can impart life for good and the better. It will be great if they are the biological dads but we know that it’s not necessary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If nothing else you've written is true, this extract is sooooo true, as I can attest from my personal experience.
The pain and void I experienced from having an absentee father made me realise that 'biologics' has nowt, nothing, zilch, to do with the love, care, affection, guidance, mentoring, etc. that a man (brother, uncle, father, friend, etc.) must (and I say must because in the eyes of God it is non-negotiable) shower on their wards, those that God has given to them to bring up.
These could be their biological children, their non-biological children, their siblings, theirs nieces or nephews, or for that matter other friends and family.
In summary, B, I support your cause and call for all men to rise up to the situation in which God has put them. I call on all men to be the Juliuses, the Pastor Randys, the Adey's of this world and become fathers and father-figures for those who have that void in their lives.
The Lord will continue to bless and enrich our lives and fill our cups till it overflows to the extent that we will share our lives with others.
Stay blessed Bukky.
Femi, Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with all of us. All of them are invaluable to me, your comments are helpful to everyone else
I love how you always put in deep thought to what you say/write and I really appreciate you as a person.
All credit to God and your mum, raising 3 boys by herself couldnt have been easy at all.
Knowing you personally, thank God that you were able to turn such an unfortunate situation to being a better man, a great father and a loving husband.
Thank you sincerely for all the time you spent in writing your comments. I always find it a joy to read what you have to say.
lovely post Bukky…I'm glad u have solid male "father figures" in your life now…some people definitely missed out completely on that…and what a brother you've got there…God bless him.
Anoda Phase, I am glad too, father figures are important and we should appreciate those in our life now and always.
This is so nice your kids are so bless to have there father in the home, and a men of GOD
Be Bless my sista
Hi Sonja, Thanks for stopping by. Everyone of us is blessed because we have our heavenly Father who never sleeps or slumber.
Thanks for sharing Buky! Great minds think alike lol – just got the chance to read this now… but this week what I have on my mind/on Jollynotes as well is in appreciating the good people in our lives:)! This post certainly resonates that thought.
Thank God for his mercies and for putting all these wonderful people in our lives.
You wrote this on my Dad's birthday by the way – Nov 9 – he is certainly a GREAT Father, we are so blessed to have him!
Stay blessed=)
Bomi
I am not even really bothered about all the wonderful examples of Fathers and Father figure you mentioned. Thank God for them. My quest is to be a relevant and consistently responsible Father while I am here.
Thanks for reminding me!!!
EVB
@Bomi – Yay! Great minds indeed. It is the season to be thankful. May the spirit of thankfulness never leave our homes.
@EVB – Thank you, I pray all fathers will make it their quest in life to be a relevant and consistently responsible fathers. Thank you for your comment.
I've fallen in love with your blog! God bless you so much!
http://temiville.wordpress.com/
Hi Temi,
Thank you so much for the love and the shout-out on twitter!
Congrats on your new gig with Bellanaija.com I am so proud of your work and what a huge platform hey!
Your post on bellanaija really resonated with me because I had experienced something similar before having our 2 lovely children.
I will blog about it soon, thanks for your support.
http://www.bellanaija.com/2010/11/10/bn-prose-the…
Just came over from Temi's blog. It's such a blessing to find blogs like yours, because they are few. I'm excited about this treasure and will add you to my blogroll, as well as backtrack to read previous posts.
Jaycee,
Thank you for stopping by, adding me to your blogroll! I am too excited, i cant contain myself. You have no idea how you have inspired me. You are full of godly wisdom and your writing style is on in a million. Thanks a bunch. http://www.lightherlamp.com/
Wow! Very nice and touching post. The post and some of the comments brought tears to my eyes. Fathers are very important in a home and not every man can stick around like you said. Thank God for our fathers and how they have shaped us. I pray that God will continue to make our husbands good role models for our children.
Amen sister. Thank God for fathers who stick around for good.
I like this message and I pray my husband will possess such qualities and much more. Just before I finished reading the whole article, I sent a message to my mum saying she was the bests and God will crown her efforts and enable to live long and eat the fruits of her labour.
The fact is, I have a father, but not a dad, he was never there as father should be, he was not a even a husband to my mum. He is not someone I can look upto or want advice for. (Although, I have forgiven him and talk to him, I have taught him more things, he could ever ever teach me nor my sis). But, him leaving since I was a toddler, shows how awesome God he is, I do not have any void in mylife, and I dont feel I need a role model. But Father in heaven has been more than amazing to us, thinking about my 22 years of life, I realised that I never had any male role model in my life, we are just two girls and we have turned out better and successfull in all aspects than most children with fathers in their lives.
I am just appreciating the GOD IN OUR LIVES, and the GOD that used our mother to be everything and more in our lives. She has dedicated her life to serving and enriching us with the goodness of this life and I want our husbands to recognise that and spoil her crazy. She has been a PILLAR OF STRENGTH and I want to be more like her and even do a better job than she did with us. GOD really heard her cry and helped her out.
I pray for any single parent that God will uphold their home as they commit their foundation to GOD.
GOD BLESS U AWESOME WOMAN OF GOD.
Thank God that you have an amazing mother and God filled the void perfectly too. Our heavenly Father is all we need indeed.
Where would we all be without mothers? May she lives long to eat and enjoy the fruits of her labour, Amen.