In Part 1, I talked about my emotional melt down and pity-party, how I felt alone and friendless. Thank God we don’t walk by feelings alone.
I might have had my moments of pity-party but I did not completely lose my mind to assume that my friends are bad.
There are different levels of relationships and once you identify them for what they really are. You will save yourself a lot of heartbreak, disappointment and unrealistic expectations.
Take an inventory of those in your life and drop the dead weight that are holding you back. Where God is taking you, you can’t take Lot with you. If God had already taken Lot out of your life, don’t invite him back or look back like Lot’s wife did.
Different types of friendships.
1. Church friends – These are friends that you attend the same church with. These relationships can develop into deep friendship but a lot of the times they are just church friends. They might not necessarily call you if you’re absent from the church for weeks. It doesn’t mean that they are bad friends, they might not want to over step their boundaries. If you invest more effort in these friendships it can certainly develop into a beautiful relationship simply because you have the love of God in common.
2. Online friends – These are your cyber friends that you met online such as Facebook, blogs etc. You only really talk to them when you are online and they don’t have your contact details other than email address. Means of communication is usually thru Messengers, Skype, etc.
Can this type of friendship developed to real friendship? Yes but not all the time. They don’t know the real you and in cyberspace, it is so easy to create a false persona. You might be true to yourself but how do you know that they are whom they profess to be? Take these relationships nice and slow and you could have a pen-pal friendship in the end but tread with caution.
3. Casual friends – these are friends that have your telephone number but only call you once in a while. They have a busy lifestyle and you just talk shop with them, nothing serious or life changing. They are not after you for anything, just checking on you and moving on. With time they can become great lifelong friends. They might be mothers of toddlers and Stay-At-Home-Moms who really don’t have a lot of spare time to commit to a relationship simply because they are exhausted.
4. Agony Aunt Friends – These types of friends only call you when they have problem or drama going on. They don’t necessarily need your advice but when they do need to vent all their feelings out, they will call you. Be a good listener to them and watch for clues if they need your advice. They are good people but they are going thru stuff right now and they see you as someone who has a positive effect on them. Calls are usually one way with them doing the calling. These type of friendship often leave you drained after talking to them, they may never add to you but will suck the life out of you. Only have few of them to pour into.
5. Nosy parkers – We have a popular coined-name for people like these in Nigeria, we call them Amebo (gossipers). They are only out for information about your life, the bible calls them prognosticators. Is 47:13 (NKJ) Whenever they call you they are just fishing for information about you, your life and what are you doing now or next? They are into you so that they can know your next move. Once you know who they are, best let their calls go to voicemail or get ready for interrogation. These kinds of friends are not good for you; they see you as being better than them and always ahead of them in everything. While they see themselves as always playing catch-up, I won’t worry about changing their mindset, don’t waste your energy on them. The less of this type of friendship, the better!
6. Mature friends – They are older than you and might not call you all the time but whenever you call them. They are there to listen and offer guidance; they are to be respected and appreciated. They are full of wisdom that you will need on your life journey. Be wise to keep this friendship as they can save you a lot of grief. Call them for serious issues only and never cross the line with them because they won’t with you. They are married couples of many years and probably have grown up children; seek their advice on choosing a partner, saving for retirement, saving for children’s education, marital counsel etc.
7. Party friends – The name says it all, need I say more? These are friends that you roll in the same party circle with. You will always see them at all the shindig in town. They are happy go-lucky and the life of the party. They will call to invite you to more parties and discuss fashion and entertainment stuff. Never expect them to be more than that. They sure know how to throw a good party and they have all the cool friends. If you are ever in trouble, they won’t be there for you because they are out having a party.
8. Confidante – These are people who love you for you; they are few and far between. They love you regardless and only want the best for you. They can be your spouse, siblings, or long life friendship. Confidantes are people who pour into your life, they are full of wisdom and they are honest with you. They say it like it is and you need them in your life. They do not have ulterior motives; they have nothing to gain or lose. They are into you, they feel your pain and will cry with you but they will always tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts.
They will pray for you and with you. You need these people in your life and when you find them hold on to them.
9. Constituent. These friends are not into you, they are for what you are into. All you have in common is the ‘agenda’. Don’t be deceived by these groups of friends they are all about the “agenda” and will never be lifelong friends. They can be your church friends and once you stop attending the same church as them, they will part company with you. Don’t share your dream with constituent friends because they will try to make it happen for themselves.
10. Comrades – These people are not for you, but for what you are against. Their association is only temporary to fulfill a purpose. Once the purpose is realized they will leave you and desert you. Don’t share your dreams with them because they will not share in it and you will be discouraged by their reaction. Don’t expect them to celebrate your success.
Having said all these, don’t call me and ask which category you belong. You are my friend, I love you all, but I will not tell you…lol!
Finally, while you are considering whether or not to “dump” a friend bear this in mind.
- Your friend is evolving just like you are changing daily. While you are not as close as before it doesn’t make them a bad friend. It’s just part of life.
- Remember we are all at different stages; some are married with children and some are not. Some are working and others are not. Some are on fire for God while others are not yet there yet.
- Be sensitive and understanding even if you don’t get the whole picture yet.
- While your friend may not have the time for you right now, don’t be bitter or resentful. Learn to roll with it and get on with your own life.
- Wish them well and send them off with a prayer or two.
A big thank you to all of you guys for reaching out to me, I am ok honest! Hubby is back home tomorrow, Hippeeee!!!