While I understand that making a list is not for everyone, I am a detail-oriented person. Everyone must find what works for them and still commit it into God’s hands.
It’s also important to point out that you must be realistic and honest with thyself. You expectations must be realistic and not a fantasy. Your expectations must align with the future you envisioned in your mind.
A few good men fell by this list, they were not bad guys, they were not the one for me. Having my list and others experienced married women in my life helped me to stay focused. For by wise counsel you shall make your war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety Proverbs 24:6
My final list looks like this and they are also my deal-breakers!
– A serious Christian – No baby Christian.
– Must be prepared to relocate or resides in America
– Ready for marriage, children and committed to family life
– Must own his home or ready to buy.
– Must be affectionate, compassionate and a great communicator.
– No sex before marriage
– Must have a J.O.B – financially responsible. He will be the family breadwinner.
– He must be taller than me, I am 5’7 and I love wearing my heels too. (silly!)
– Loves me just the way I Am. Not controlling or abusive.
– Non-smoker or drinker. No porn, no drug use.
– He must have a passion and a career, not career searching.
– Absolutely NO STUDENT.
What God gave me in addition to my list are as follows;
– A prayerful husband
– A worshiper – a man truly after God’s heart.
– A great cook and my very own gentleman
– A great man of valor and integrity
– A hand-on Dad, my best friend, and he truly values family
– He loves me just the way I am and allows the real Buky to Shine!
– He knows his role as the man and a great provider
– Partnership and working in unity is top priority to him
– Relationship with God is No.1
– Wonderful pregnancies and children
– The best in-laws in the world
I can go on and on about all the things that God gave me that weren’t even on my list. I couldn’t have asked for those things because I didn’t even realized how important they would be and if it was truly possible to have them.
I stick to my guns and didn’t listen to those naysayers who told me I was too strict. I disagree because I know myself better than anyone. “Don’t let people narrate in your life that don’t know your story”
You may disagree with me and that is fine. When you are truly ready for marriage and you have done all you can to improve yourself, learn from you’re past mistake, then you know that not “everyone” will do.
Call me demanding, strict and any other names. That doesn’t bother me; what was and still important to me is getting to my destination.
I cannot but over-emphasis that my age and past experiences shaped my outlook. While I am not claiming that my list is perfect for everyone and neither is it a yardstick others should use. My list was perfect for me and I am where I intended to be.
There are things I have not included such as love, humor, and honesty etc, I assume those are things we all desire.
So lets apply my list to reality – Your list must make sense to you and in line with your future expectations.
– Why a serious Christian? – Because iron sharpens iron and I wanted someone I can learn from.
– Why America? – That was my destination of choice – London was my comfort zone and I wanted a change.
– Must own his home or ready to buy – being a homeowner myself I have standards and wont settle for less. Relocating also meant that I would be selling up my home and business.
– Absolutely No Sex before marriage – As a committed born-again Christian the bible demands it. I am just abiding by my Faith, you abide by yours! “Anybody that will sin with you will sin against you”
– J.O.B. – A must! Is there any point marrying someone who cannot support himself talk less of a wife and children?
– Must have a passion – It’s important to have passion, a calling, a career or skills before getting married. Marriage is for responsible adults and it helps if those areas have been addressed.
– Why no student? I have 16 years of working experience under my belt. I don’t believe I would have much in common with a student and the patience for him to finish his studies. It’s important to support each other in our ambitions.
I don’t claim to have “a perfect marriage, we have a real marriage”. Having the list and working my way through helped me a lot. My husband is not a surprise to me; he is everything I prayed for and much more.
I am still the opinionated woman he married 5 years ago; I didn’t pretend to be what I am not. I am a SAHM helping to raise our family while he works and support our family.
He is a committed father and husband, he is absolutely devoted to family life and God is still No.1 for both of us. He has been to me a spiritual mentor and I have learned a lot from him. He continues to challenge me in my walk with God.
I love wearing my high heel even at 8-month pregnant, lol. And yes He is taller than me still with my high heels on. Lol!
What are your relationship deal breakers? Do you know what they are? Next post – watch out.