Mind Your Own Business

The year was 2000, I was a member of Kingsway International Christian Centre (KICC) London. The Senior pastor Matthew Ashimolowo was preaching, it was New Year service and his message totally changed my outlook and set me on a different course for the rest of the year. I can’t remember exactly what the title of the sermon was but it was along the line “Mind Your  Own Business”.

It was more like a smackdown than a sermon that day. He continued to hammer on the fact that many of us would not achieve what we set out to achieve because we are busy-bodies and won’t mind our own business, always sticking our noses where it is not wanted, always giving advice when we don’t heed the same advice for ourselves.

The moment he said “giving advice to others but not using the same advice for yourself”. Boy did it strike a chord with me, its kind of like a doctor giving out health advice to patients but is overweight.  At the time, that kind of sums me up. I was dishing out advise that I was not applying to my own life.

Ever had the term “healer heal thyself? For the rest of that week in January 2000 I could not ignore this warning.

That year I decided to “mind my own business” for a change. Women especially are “Martha”. Busy doing nothing, busy with other people’s agenda but never really pursuing our own dream. We put everyone first except ourselves. We take so much pride in being a good helpmate, best friend, mother, sister, and daughter. But do we take the time out to love ourselves and do what Buky wants? No!

One of the advice Pastor Matthew gave in that service was to come aside in fellowship with God and seek guidance from Him. That we should not take some people’s phone calls that just drains you, to avoid some friends good and bad ones, to simply take the time out for yourself. He warned us that in doing this, that there will be times that we are going to be lonely and we should expect it and not run back to our busy lifestyle. We must learn to roll with it.

As for me, I did what he told us. That year was the first time in many years that I had fewer friends, less distraction, less socializing. I learned to deal with loneliness and I spent a lot of times in my own thoughts and there was less noise in my life. I was able to focus on “what Buky wants”.

I redefined my life going forward, I realized a lot of the goals and dreams I wanted years ago I had done nothing about, that I was all talk and no action. Well, my dreams were still the same but I need to start making them a reality. It wouldn’t take long to achieve these things if I can just focus on me.

That was the year I bought my first rental property. I spend a vast majority of my time being “Buky no friend”. I wrote a lot of letters to myself, I dreamt about my future husband and children. I wrote a master plan for my life, how my children would be raised. I became a dreamer and I spend much time just escaping into my own world.

If you can dream it, you can do it. Your limits are all within yourself.~ Brian Tracey

My dreams became so real to me that I knew it was within my grasp. I started writing out my plans how to go about achieving it. I saw the power in ‘minding my business”. There were times I was tempted to take that phone call; there were times I was tempted to “hang-out” with my girlfriends.by

Then again I had done that many times, what exactly was I missing out on? Isn’t the definition of madness doing the same thing and hoping to get a different result? That year I discovered that I am the best company I can ever have.  It forces me to think and live inwards and I stopped running away from myself. It was a journey to self-discovery and learning to love and accept Buky for real.

In that year, my career was going great, my financial house was also in order but my personal life wasn’t so great. But I soldier on and learn that you can’t allow what isn’t working out to affect your entire outlook and so I focused on what was working for me.

Have you taken the time to discover yourself? Or are you still going around with your old self-while you have changed but haven’t realized it yet? Is there so much noise in your life that is keeping you from hearing yourself? Are you due to take that needed time aside to fellowship with  God and know yourself better?

We all need rest from time to time. Even as mothers we need to take time out from our children regularly. Friday night in our home is our time if we can get the babysitter, fine, if not we put the children to bed and we order a take out. Saturday morning you will find me in bed, reading or spending quite-time with God while my husband takes care of the children. If you are a single parent, it will do you good to join forces with another family to take turns so you can have a few hours to yourself.

We do not a grandparent living nearby to help us out. Still, we find ways to take time out for each other. Most night I stay up late, so I can spend time with Buky. All day long after being Faith and David’s mom and Adey’s wife. I simply can’t wait to spend time with my beautiful self who is simply “Buky”.

What will it take for you to mind your own business this year? Even Jesus came aside from the crowd and the disciples to seek the Father.

To achieve all you set out for this year, you cannot afford not to junk the noise and spend that needed time with YOU.

A word of warning: If you decide to do this, do not expect people in your life to understand it, some might even tell you “why are you taking yourself so seriously?”. Why shouldn’t you take yourself seriously is my question to you. What are you afraid you might discover about yourself?

Nobody knows you better than you, but while there are so many noises in your life your true voice is silent and you can’t hear yourself or God. Come aside now, you can still do this.

I started doing this again after so many years, I have struggled along the way because I have children now, I have other commitments that I simply can’t ignore. Yet I know the rewards, I know that it will be beneficial not only to myself but to my family and those around me.

In order to reap your harvest and enter into God’s promises for your life. You will need to rest and call a timeout on yourself. That may just be what stands between you and success this year.

Now over to you.


About Buky

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager, loves sharing practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.


  1. Hum Aunty B i can see u’re back for real !!!

     i like everything about the post,but what i love the most is:
    -the dreaming part: now i know that i don’t have to blame myself anymore for dreaming about the kind of life i want for myself or the  kind of man i want to marry (and i really like that)
    -The Martha part: because i’ve just discovered that i’ve been a  Martha for so long now, complaining about the others being Mary (always doing more than i had to)
    And now that i was wondering how to “cure” the Martha Syndrom, here you come with  this post…..THX a lot Aunty B.

    ps: i really bless the day i discovered ur blog…..

    •  Minimaguime – I trust all is well with you. I am glad you were able to learn something from this post. 

      Thank you for your encouraging words but especially sticking by bukville while I was transitioning to a new mom all over again. I truly appreciate your support.

  2. Oh Buky! You’re such an amazing woman! I’ve always been a “loner” all my life. I cant remember ever having friends; i do interact with people when necessary, but i dont make friends. “I DONT MAKE FRIENDS, I DONT KEEP THEM” . And people often confuse my  staying alone for being arrogant or proud. But it has helped me in a lot of ways, my reasoning is so deep,because i usually have time for myself and not time for people. Sometimes, it gets boring though, but i have ways of easing it out;call my family, surf the web for more knowledge, or go shopping. And i love it! I guess i was influenced by my mum’s character, throughout my growing up years, i never saw her with a single person called FRIEND.  And that made her have time for us, cos she shared her time with her job and us. Buky, you’re an inspiration. God bless you.

    • Cella,

      Many thanks to you for always encouraging and challenging me to go deeper in our walk with God.

      From time to time, it is good to come aside and hear from God. In our world today there are just too many noise and voices trying to distract us.

      As a SAHM I spend greater part of my day with my children and it leave no time for friends. I have to make extra effort to stay in touch with others, While i dont have many friends and little time to invest in my friends, just becos of the season I am right now. 

      I know a time will come that my children will be adults and probably want to hang-out with their friends. So for now i am enjoying every single moment with them, it is priceless.

      I also enjoy my own company and am not easily bored being myself but I believe that its important to have one of 2 good friends that will accept us just the way we are  and not  try to cramp our space.

  3. i like the way you write. and i thank God for your life. The transforming power of God – what can match it? 

  4. I love love this post..Its not too late for me..ha wat a refresher post.
    Thanks for sharing

  5. I am a busybody, i like knowing what is going on in other people’s live,i just dont mind my business. God help me, i need You so much

  6. Thanks a mil Bukville. I did this a few years ago and it was really very beneficial. I have not started this year like that, but I know I have been having this nudge to do so. I must start pronto. Thank you again my dear friend for setting me straight.

  7. Bukky, my life is similar to Cella’s.( who made the comment before mine). I am still known as a snob till this day but then I have learnt to mind my business. I have few friends and I do audit from time to time. Why make a call or visit for instance when I know I can simply send a text?. Most of us are eventually shaped by the associations we keep. Learn to be comfortable with your own company once in a while. Thanks for the reminder Bukky. I love the new blog outlook. God bless you and yours.

    • Tola, it is very easy for others to put a label on people when they dont understand them. 

      I love my own company and I can be alone for months, all i need is a pen, paper and the internet. 

      Thanks for your input.

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