“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.” (Psalm 27:10, NKJV)
There are many types of rejection in life, some are minor, and others are major with a lasting effect on your life if care is not taken.
The rejection from a parent is a life-altering wound that is so deep into the marrow of your bones. It will shake your world and turn it upside-down; it will hold you captive, bound by bitterness and unforgiveness (if you let it).
It can impact your relationships with others and how you view the world. After all, if your father or mother doesn’t love you, who will?
The pain from parental rejection can be well hidden for a long time. Emotional pains can be buried underneath many layers, and it takes events such as a death in the family, divorce, or birth of a child to awaken the pain.
It’s every parent’s duty to love their children, but we often realize that it’s not always true. Most parents do right by their children, but then you have those who should not have pets talk less of children.
The traditional family dynamics are fast becoming obsolete with less intimacy in the computer and technology age. Parents are working longer hours, past retirement age due to an unstable economy. At the same time, some entered into parenting without full knowledge and preparation and can’t cope.
Parenting is not for selfish, ego-driven, attention-seeking narcissistic individuals.
Regardless of age and status, everyone desires love from their parents. The sad truth is some parents are just not capable of loving back. They may use and abuse you; the more you try to seek their love and validation, the more hurt you will be.
So what shall we do then?
Forgive them and seek the Father’s love. Only the love of God can heal your wounds. God’s love brings total restoration and will create in you a new heart and empathy for the parent(s) who hurt you and for others.
How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings.
You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your river of delights. (Psalm 36:7-8)
Forgiveness is the doorway to healing. When we forgive those that have abandoned, abused, and hurt us, we permit God to heal every pain, and He would show us the gains from our pain.
Don’t be one of the hurting people who have built walls around their wounds, and the wounds have not been allowed to heal.
Don’t let unforgiveness from the past destroy your future. Unforgiveness will keep one in bitterness and to be critical of others. Without God healing our wounds, we may end up being the very person we don’t want to be. God has commanded us to walk in love as He is love, to forgive as we’d been forgiven, to live peaceably with others …among other things.
True forgiveness can only come when we surrender it all to God. Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally, but when we are in Christ, we are new creatures and can do all things!
We also know forgiveness and healing do take time, so we have to rely on God constantly. Being human, we would often miss the mark, but we must stay committed to living our life-like the One who has adopted us.
Jesus, our great example – High Priest.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
Jesus suffered rejection from family (John 7:5), in His home town, by some of His disciples and religious leaders.
Find your identity in God’s word.
See yourself as God sees you. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Embrace your new identity
God is your Father – How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1).
Realistic Expectations
Accept that they may never change or acknowledged their misdeeds. Let it go and move on.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are there for your protection and to let others know how to treat you and behave around you. Seek God for your healing, seek God for your validation, and seek God because He is waiting for you to call upon Him.
Your refusal to deal with this can lead to strongholds over your life.
Ultimately only the love of God can fill the void in your heart. Receive His unfailing and unconditional love today.
Your thoughts?
If you enjoy this post, check out: Overcoming Life’s Disappointments.
Amen!
Buky, This is deep and you covered many issues a lot of people are running from.
You write as someone who has been through this herself.
This is very good, will bless many people that are in emotional pain over being rejected by their parents.
I like how you communicate that it does take a process to overcome the wound of abandonment.
Thank you for shedding some light on what is really a very complicated subject.
This issue affect so many people. May God heal every wounds and break the circle of pain over every lives
you may find my website for the Center for Interpersonal Acceptance-Rejection of interest. Go to http://www.csiar.uconn.edu
Thank you for the link.
This is So true!
It’s tough to forgive those we don’t expect to ever hurt us.
One way I have learnt to deal with deep rooted hurt, is to recognize that the enemy of our souls wants us to hold on to the pain. I NEVER want to cooperate with him, so I speak my hurts out loud to my Lord and Savior and then begin to speak many more blessings that negate those hurts. Sometimes I do it, standing in front of a mirror. It helps to shut the voice of the enemy when you speak aloud the promises and love of God.
Be blessed.
I really appreciate you sharing this insight. Speaking God’s promises over every situation is powerful to cancel out every negative words and heal deep rooted wounds.
Sis Funmi thank you for stopping by.
Sometimes I find comfort in my pain. It’s a reminder that I loved my parents, even if my love was unrequited. I think it would be more painful if I didn’t love them…it might justify their rejection. My soul is spoken for; our Enemy cannot have it. And my pain ends the day I enter our Lord’s kingdom. In the meantime, He keeps me purposeful with my husband, our children, the running of our household and homeschool.
Your pain has a purpose and that is to be the parent you never had to your children. keep loving God, love yourself and your family. That is all you can do. Some people we can only love from a distance. Focus on God’s blessings on your life. You are truly blessed. I appreciate your comment, stay blessed my friend.
Thank you for reminding me of Psalm 27:10. My father and mother have forsaken me, and the Lord has been taking care of me. That verse helps answer my anxious questions about why I have been blessed with such a wonderful husband and children. I think it’s His way of helping me believe I am worthy of love. For now, I trust His love of me as an article of faith. I look forward to the day when I know His love as instinctively as the love I share with my husband and kids.
You comments move me to tears. I feel your pain and happiness. I am happy your life truly represent Ps 27:10 and the cycle of abandonment ends in your family. There is hope for the next generation because they have a loving parent who have experienced the bad and now enjoying a blessed life.
Wow. This has really helped me today. It ministered truth and healing to my soul. I truly needed to hear, accept and read every word written. I know this article was written by the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. Just what I needed. So glad to hear what God had to say concerning this matter.
Andrea, God led you to a timely word. He alone knows what you need. Let him perfect His work in you. Thank you for your comment.
Thanks… I’m from Brazil. God give me Hope when I read this text.
God bless you!
He love is forever
Hello Adriano Oliveira,Thank you for your kind comment. Indeed His love for us is everlasting. And in Him we have an everlasting hope. Stay blessed.
God Bless you, Buky. You are a beautiful person. I appreciate that you wrote about how to overcome parental rejection. I wanted to tell you that it has been so hard for me to overcome my sense of sorrow lately about the way my parents raised me. Without going in to the details, I experienced maternal rejection and hostility/conflict that was unresolved all through the years I was growing up. My mother was in the house but she was known for being angry on a daily basis and not being affectionate, so that me and my brothers have “zero” memories of her hugging, kissing or cuddling us. We don’t remember her doing anything personal with us either, such as a shared activity or helping us with anything. The end result is that I am unable to have relationships with people. The best I can do is fake it, and that only lasts so long. Since I was born again, about 15 years ago, I genuinely feel the love of God for me, and it inspires me to want to be involved and help other people. But I still have a persistent inability to connect with others and feel comfortable around other people. The only person I can be attached to without pain, is God, the ultimate person. So I am happy in the Lord. But I wanted to bring this up, that the wounds you endure from being maternally rejected will haunt you all your life, and they seem to be as enduring as physical handicaps that you may have received if you were physically abused as a child and became paralyzed, for example. Various scientific studies in to this matter suggest that the brain fails to develop normally, causing real deficits in social behaviors, cognitive weaknesses, and emotional problems. I know that God can heal anything, and I am seeking His will on this. But I just wanted to bring it up. There was a good documentary made about children who are being adopted out of Russian orphanages into families in the U.S. and the severe attachment problems they have. It’s call The Dark Matter of Love (2012). I have seen people talk about forgiving someone who physically harmed them, like making them become disabled or causing them to be disfigured. So I know it’s possible to forgive. It is tragic though, that you can experience a permanent inability to bond or feel comfortable with another human being though, due to maternal rejection. Please pray that God will allow me a healing on this problem. I would like to be involved with other people, especially as I am grow older.
I never had any luck with finding love and affection. I was rejected by the people that i thought will help me build myself and i turned into a spiritual world but continue to struggle. I don’t trust anyone and i feel as my prayers never heard, i keep going in circles and still i have no idea of what am looking for. I moved from one place to another and was left in the street by the only person who was supposed to protect and provide for me, my beautiful mom. The way she treated me because of her new life she have, the husband who made her believe that that am not his family, am filled with bitterness and angry. I have been lied to and taken advantage of. My life is a mess that i regret each and every day.
Oh Amanda, even though I dont know you personally, I feel your pain. I can’t imagine how you are coping with this by yourself. I know the pain of rejection, it’s very traumatic. Before I allowed God into my heart, my world was in turmoil. Through the love of Christ I was able to love myself, forgive myself and others. Only then was I able to trust people and live God’s best for me. Sometimes others can’t give us what we need because they dont have it in them. Amanda, You are not difficult to love. You are perfect in your imperfections. And God has some amazing people who will love you faults and all. https://bukyojelabi.com/2016/07/24/you-are-loved/
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I never had one memory of ever being held. There was never any bond between me and my mom or anyone. I think the saving grace was being prayed for and briefly held by godly older women. I am middle aged and the reality of the void is setting in. It is not that I don’t know how to love, I don’t know how to receive love and be treated well. On the bright side I have had my fill of abusive men. I love my hobbies which I am just enthrawled in bliss with. Two different woman’s Bible studies were a crash and burn. Nobody wants the mamed. Being and acting normal is one thing but HANGING and know how to hang around normal people is a different ball of wax. I am tired of getting the evil eye and tired of trying. I am tired of sarcastic smirks and less than anual family get togethers. I usually cannot wait to get home do I can feel safe. Jesus is always there to cry to and my dogs are so healing.
I feel like such a mistake to human kind. One thing that Jesus will hopefully be pleased with me is I am a firm tither and look forward to it. I have days were I daydream I am being held but I just end up crying.
I pray for death daily to be taken out of my body and adopted by Jesus forever and ever.
I forgive everyone who has ever rejected me including my mom because I feel so unworthy to be loved.
I begged Jesus to let me be happy the rest of my life and He has completely changed my life but it looks like I am going to need alot more help from Him.
Blossom, Thank you for your comment. My heart breaks for you. I’m glad you have Christ in your life but His desire for you is to have an abundant life through Him. An abundant life is a life full of love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. We cant love others well until we have experienced the love of God, otherwise, we have nothing to offer. The most important job you will ever do is to work on yourself first. You are not a mistake, maimed, or unworthy of love. You are a daughter of the King, Jesus loves you and don’t have to beg or look for another helper – He’s more than enough! Look to Him alone.
When I stop chasing for human approval and made Jesus my Lord and Savior, He became my All in All. He transformed my life from the inside out and I believe He will do the same for you in Jesus name. Amen. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Blossom – It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. So stand strong. Do not change and go back into the slavery of the law. Galatians 5:1
Hello I’m a 23 your yr old male I’ve felt rejected by my parent’s my whole life I’m a only child and don’t have siblings , my mother is very distant and my father and mother divorced due to domestic when I was 12 then around 18-19 was in a very bad place emotionally due to these feelings in my late teens I turned to self harm and I self Harmed for three years and now I’ve been clean for two years I stopped when I turned 21 , I never receive affection from my parents and it hurts me very deeply so I’ve basically received rejection from both parents . My extended family dosent speak to me ether its like I dont exist. I just want a family again I try to go to church and read scripture but the pain it hurts so much that it makes me to tired to socialize and connect with others , it hurts like a knife in my heart sometimes it makes me cry . When I have achievements I feel like I have no one to share it with and the holidays are even worse. my dr said I’m a emotional orphan Which put words to how ive felt for as long as I can remember. I’m glad you put this post here so people can see how much pain it causes, I have to tell myself I love myself and I’m proud of myself or else ide Never hear those words from anyone . I’m reminded that I’m adopted by the King of life .I hope I’ll have a family again that is God centered your post gave me hope Godbless you
Ryan, I hear and sense your pain. I’m proud of you and the progress you have made. Find a way to forgive your parents and family and let go of ANY expectations you may have of them. It takes two to make any relationship work, find others who share your values. You alone know you better than anyone and knows those who are the right fit for you. Everyone is not the best fit. People cannot give you what they don’t have. What they have is what you’re given. Please forgive them because they didn’t know any better. Keep taking care of yourself. Your emotional and mental health is your personal responsibility.
Ryan, You are complete in Christ. You deserve love. You are worthy of love and a loving family of your own. First, you must learn how to love yourself.
Who Are My Family?
Ryan, re-visit the definition of family according to Christ’s. Your family is not only the people you share blood with. Your family is those who do the will of God.
Matthew 12:46-50 New International Version (NIV)
46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.