Buky, Author at Buky Ojelabi

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager, loves sharing practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.

Singles Talk: Who Should Pay?

Buky

While Adey and I were courting, we saw each other on and off about 5 times before I eventually move to America to plan our wedding. I was living in London while we were dating and I paid for all my travelling expenses. It never occurred to me to ask him and he didn’t offer to pay for my flight either.

In all honesty I figured that once I am in, I will be greatly reimbursed for all my costs, lol. For real too, I wanted babies and a happy marriage as my reimbursement. (Which he’s awesomely doing) Not cash and gift that I would spend in no time (that he’s also doing) and didn’t have any lasting value.

So this was what happened to my girl friend, she met Mr. Right (me think) but he didn’t offer to pay for her flight or any of her travelling expenses and she was not happy about it. She also felt that he should be calling more; she didn’t try too hard herself because she believed that was his job.

To cut a long boring story short, she dropped him. Who was at fault? What really are the rules of long distance dating?

The Season To Remember Others…….

Buky

Not so long ago I actually detested any festive holidays. It was yet another reason to remember my lonely state of mind and how I didn’t have this and that to fill my life with. It was a time to watch others living the life I so longed for.

Few years back I joined my family for yet another Christmas dinner, it was nice of them to include me. The truth was I felt out of place, sometimes I can’t help thinking maybe they feel sorry for me and can’t bear to see me spend another festive holiday alone with my Chinese fried rice and wonton soup.

The evening was going great, lovely food and nice company. Just then my nephew asked me a question. “Aunty why don’t we see uncle again”????

Great Fathers Are A Blessing.

Buky

My father died in 1986 and my world as I knew it changed forever. Growing up and having my father around was great. I took it for granted that he would always be around. I was only 13yrs old when he died and I never wanted anyone else to take his place. There was a void in my life with his passing away that I never knew would happen.

Since his passing on, I have had very few male role models in my life; I have not looked for any. I didn’t think I needed one either.

The 15 Lessons I’ve Learned In 5 years Of Marriage

Buky

1. Honor

Honoring my husband is important. What matters to women and men are so different. Men want honor and respect above sex and cooking. Sex and cooking are important but they can’t live on that 24/7. What will eventually keep him coming home every day is honor and respect.

I am not perfect in these areas but I am learning fast and seeing great results. In every man; there is a king and a fool. Whose response do you want? Who are you speaking to? If you speak to the king in him, not only do you get the king’s response, you get his rewards too.

This I have learnt, practiced and seen great result. So every time I open my big mouth I ask myself who am I addressing and what do I hope to achieve?

You can get all from your husband without nagging, manipulations, without holding sex or not cooking for him, etc.

Just by choosing to honor him daily, especially when you don’t think he deserve honor, so to speak. I learnt this from my husband; he apologizes to me when I know am wrong! This convicts me more than anything.

We don’t honor our husband because he deserves it, we do it unto the Lord, and He is the greatest rewarder of all.

Get Desperate With God And Get MARRIED.

Buky

So I was at a stage in my life that I had everything else going for me except for one thing. Marriage. I was in my mid-30’s and that was the only thing missing from my life. I didn’t want another career or another weight loss idea. I didn’t need a manicure, a pedicure, or a designer bag. I didn’t want another expensive holiday. Not even more money could fill that yearning that I had to be married and have children.

When you are ready, you know it. You no longer feel like hanging with your single friends. Yet at the same time you feel out of place when you’re your married friends.

You start wondering, “What else is there to do that I haven’t done before?” You don’t want to go clubbing. You’re tired of being the only friend that’s being set up with another single brother.

You know that he is out there but don’t have a clue how to go about finding him. Well that was me six years ago. If this sounds like you KEEP READING.

No More Cleavage In The House Of God

Buky

If we call ourselves Christians, shouldn’t we act like one? Christian means to be Christ-like. Are you truly portraying Christ in the way you dress?

The line that once distinguished Christians from non Christians has become severely blurred.

Does Mama Really Knows Best?

Buky

I cant help thinking that mothers cant win, whichever decision was made 10 plus years ago is coming back to hunt and bite them in the face.

My focus is mainly on “Mamas” because most of the time (not all the time) when families disengage, Mamas’ are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces.

Most times we do a very good job, other times we ourselves are just barely children needing our mama too. Children raising children, a recipe for disaster.

Hindsight is always 20 20, then it is too late. The damage is done and you can not go back and rewrite history or make right the wrongs.

20 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Buky

Women sometimes are confused with what is classified as an abusive behavior. It is not until he physically hits you, then you realize that you are being abused. There are obvious signs along the way; you chose to ignore it, even though your friends and family can see it.

Submission

Buky

“For women at times, we don’t want to hear another sermon on submission. I don’t have issues with that topic at all; I learnt years ago that you cannot submit to a man until you submit to God first”

Before “I Do” – Part 3 In-Laws

Buky

This entry is part 3 of 4 in the seriesBefore "I Do"

In-laws to most but Outlaws to a few!

Why discuss in-laws before marriage?
In-laws come with the marriage, whether you like it or not. It is like living in Texas, you do not have a choice about the sales tax, and you just pay it.

When you marry, you do not only marry that person you get the entire family. You just cannot ignore that these people exist; you are going to have a form of relationship with them. If only because it makes your partner happy knowing how important they are to him.

Deal with it, your partner did not fall from the sky, someone gave birth to him, loved him, nurtured him and he will not be the person that he is today without those people in his life. Just like you have parents that love and care for you, same goes for him too.

Before “I Do” – Part 2 Sex

Buky

This entry is part 2 of 4 in the seriesBefore "I Do"

What kind of dance do they have in mind, is it the Tango, Waltz, Quickstep or the Paso Doble? This is the time to lay it all down, what you will and will not engage in.

Sex should be between a man and a woman, but you may be surprised to find out that your Christian FP also thinks it’s okay to bring visual aids; such as porn or making your own “home movies” into your marital bedroom. You need to know right now before you say “I Do”. We are all at different levels in our walk of faith; do not ever assume that because they are believers they do not have an obscure way of thinking.

Before “I DO” – Part 1 Money

Buky

This entry is part 1 of 4 in the seriesBefore "I Do"

Men do not talk much as we all know; men are so very different from women (thank God!). A man may not offer to tell you some personal information that a woman would consider relevant. Therefore, what is relevant to a woman is not necessarily so to a man.

Asking the right questions will eliminate some of the confusion that will surely arise later after the wedlock.

The Year Of DOING IT

Buky

Enough is enough, its time to grow up and be an adult. There will always be something that prevent us from achieving our goals if we let it. I do understand that lives is about seasons and you should know what seasons you are in so that you can set realistic goals.

The Truth About Marriage Your Married Friends Are Not Telling You.

Buky

Don’t get me wrong marriage is great, i am very happy with mine, there are some truth to marriage that are not told. Most times you will only find out during divorce how miserable their relationship was, even though at the time they carried on the appearance of perfect couple!