The Painful Truth About Divorce

Divorce is a devourer, meaning a curse and a destroyer. Two people who were once committed to building up a happy home are now jointly passionate about destroying all their hard work together.

The pain that comes from being divorced personally for me I cannot put into words. There are 2 witnesses to that kind of pain, God and the walls of your house.

Only God truly knows the depth of pain caused by divorce. If the walls could speak in homes all over the world where couples hide and cry in secret but yet presenting an “I’m ok” face to the world.

Wedding can be expensive and it is often our focus but divorce is very costly. The currencies are different though. When we are planning a wedding we usually have a budget for it but you cannot budget for the pain you will experience when going thru the awful experience of divorce.

“Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever. by Nora Ephron

You can easily pay off  debt accumulated from a lavish wedding by consolidating your debt, but from a divorce you cannot. The price you pay with is your self-esteem, shame, guilt, pride, your health, your mental state of mind, your friendships, your credit rating and FICO score, the respect from your children, your reputation, your relationship with God, broken family, depression, your future marriage, etc.

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Why You Must Deal With The Past

There are many reasons to deal with the past, below are 10 good reasons to confront the and be done with it.

This is a follow-up post to The Past – Dealing With The Past

1. It will always be brought up by the enemy/friends – It will be used against you and you need to be ready and be prepared for it. Expect it and it won’t surprise you when mud is being thrown at you but guess what, it won’t stick because you had taken the time to deal with it.

2. Learn and Grow – Learning from our past mistakes prepares us for a better future. Except you are prepared to be honest with yourself and take the time to learn the painful lesson now. You are most likely to repeat them again. Don’t pay the price twice.

3. Humility – If you truly learn from your painful past experiences then you are certainly full of humility. Those that are holier than thou are full of pride and arrogance. Pride leads to a fall but God lifts up the humble.

4. Help others – Out of your painful past experiences healing can come to others. If one life is touched by your painful experience then your job is done. I hate divorce with a passion and I pray that others can learn thru my experience and never had to go thru it.

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Are You Still Faking It?

I am not ashamed to admit there was a season in my life that I was faking it. And I almost lost myself in the process.

It is far easier to be authentic than be a fake. Back then, I never knew who I was going to be.  Back then I believed others were faking it too. How coo-coo (crazy) was that. 

We are shaped by our belief system, whether its wrong or right beliefs it shapes our view of the world.

If you knew me back then you never met the real me. You would have met Fake-Buky. My life was not going in the direction I liked, so I faked it. I faked being happy. I faked my life isn’t missing anything. I don’t need God, certainly not any man of all creatures. I was “miss super strong” I can do it by myself.

Even though on the inside, my world was crumbling gradually. I woke up daily and put on my game face. All dressed up wearing my “power suit” high-heel and a killer handbag to match. I would tell myself every morning “ITS SHOWTIME BABY”. The streets of London was my runway, I was strutting my way to work and back still faking it.

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Mind Your Own Business

The year was 2000, I was a member of Kingsway International Christian Centre (KICC) London. The Senior pastor Matthew Ashimolowo was preaching, it was New Year service and his message totally changed my outlook and set me on a different course for the rest of the year. I can’t remember exactly what the title of the sermon was but it was along the line “Mind Your  Own Business”.

It was more like a smackdown than a sermon that day. He continued to hammer on the fact that many of us would not achieve what we set out to achieve because we are busy-bodies and won’t mind our own business, always sticking our noses where it is not wanted, always giving advice when we don’t heed the same advice for ourselves.

The moment he said “giving advice to others but not using the same advice for yourself”. Boy did it strike a chord with me, its kind of like a doctor giving out health advice to patients but is overweight.  At the time, that kind of sums me up. I was dishing out advise that I was not applying to my own life.

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Hello Blogsville

Hello Everyone

It’s been a little while. I am returning from my self-imposed maternity leave.

So here is the 411 from mommy-land, adjusting to life as a mother of 3 is no joking matter. The past few weeks flew by so fast I am left wondering what has been happening in the real world?

Under normal circumstances I would have been glued to the TV watching the royal wedding. I got to see some of it but not much. Where was I when President Obama announced the death of Osama? I was snoozing happily on the sofa after Joshua finally allowed me to put him down.  It didn’t last long before Joshua woke me up again at midnight that is when I found out about Osama.

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A Mother’s Day Prayer

Wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope this prayers blesses you as much as I was on receiving them.

Below are collections of prayers sent to me on Mother’s Day and I am passing them forward to you all.

Beloved O daughter of Zion, you are like a nursing mother who cares for her own children. You will be joyful mothers and your children will be joyful children. You are blessed forever.

No one could ever take your place. You will live to enjoy the fruit of your labor. The joy of motherhood will never depart from you.

You are the nation’s greatest treasure, the Lord’s best helpers and the most blessed among women. You divide your time among your children but multiply your love for all of them. You add the care of the home by subtracting many extras in order to do these awesome tasks; with long life God will satisfy you.

Mothers, you’re wonderful women, so gentle and strong. You make the world beautiful. You can do five things at the same time. God has endowed you with good things in life. As you celebrate this special day, may the Lord bless you with a good gift that only He can give you.

May God continue to uphold you in your position? May God continue to grant you the grace to support, care and love your children. God will grant you wisdom to teach your child in the way of the Lord. May you enjoy the fruit of your labor.

Happy Mother’s Day to every woman; may your peace flow like a river and your righteousness like the sea waves. 

Marriage – The Voice Of GOD From Within

This is a guest post by Joshua T Caleb, author, speaker and fellow blogger. He is a writer with a message to transform your life so you can passionately live your life with purpose and passion.



The following is written for everybody. Whether you are married or planning on getting married or a single looking for Mr. or Ms. Right., whether you are male or female. Please consider it well.

Marriage – The Voice Of GOD From Within By Joshua Caleb

Marriage – What is it? Who ordained it?

Marriage is more than two people joining together to say “I Do”

Marriage involves more than romance, sex, any physical pleasure or even companionship.

There are billions of people on this earth, yet we choose that one person to spend the rest of our lives with. Or, was the person chosen for us?

Marriage is the voice of a being speaking from within you saying…

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Introducing: Baby Joshua

Hello Everyone,

Finally some pictures of Joshua to share with you all. Having Joshua home in the past 2 weeks has been interesting to say the least.

Joshua has a healthy appetite for an infant, he sleeps, eats and poo! Which is great except that he sleeps all day and wake up at 12 midnight then refuses to sleep until 4am.

For some reason I cant remember our other 2 children doing this, but Adey says it was the same!  It all seems new all over again, so you can imagine in the morning I am not alert at all.

Overall, he is a good baby and for now I’m on his schedule.

Faith and David are deliriously happy to have a new baby at home. They don’t quite get it yet that Joshua is here to compete for some of their attention, lol!

They love him too much that we have to keep them all apart. 

We had a naming ceremony for Joshua on the 8th day; it was a great turn out with lot of food and drinks! Let me see, Joshua has in total about 6 names but only 2 goes on the birth certificate.

We are grateful to all our friends and family for their support at this time and also for all the gifts, love offerings and food. We are so honored and blessed by the love you have shown our family. We look forward to rejoicing with you and your family also soon!!.

We continue to pray for those that are still standing in faith for the fruit of the womb. We know that God is indeed faithful and there is nothing that is impossible for Him. Never give up— even when you are faithless, He is faithful.

Unto Us Joshua Is Born

Our little bundle of joy arrived 24th March 2011 weighing 7lb.01. We are grateful to God for this addition to our family. Our words are nothing compared to the joy we feel.

There are no words Lord, to say thank you. You are truly the covenant keeping God. You keep your words above your name; you are not a God that changes His mind. Your mercy and love overwhelms me. How can we ever thank you for all you have done.

You took pity on a messed up girl from Lagos, Nigeria. You saw my mess and shame; you wiped away my tears and my guilt. You gave me a new beginning and wiped out the handwriting of ordinances, which was against me; and You took it out of the way, nailing it to the cross. You have embarrassed me with your love.

Abba Father! There is nothing that I have done to ever deserve this great and mighty love that you have blessed us with. What the enemy meant for evil You turned it round for our good. Who can curse what You have blessed. You have used the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.

You are the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The God of Adey, Buky, Faith, David and Joshua. You are a God of covenant and relationship. The invincible God that does visible things.

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Grandparent For Hire

Lately my daughter has started asking about her grandparents. Each time, she has taken me by surprise and I haven’t figured what to tell her yet.

I try my very best to always tell her the truth, I realized that we need to established a relationship based on honesty even at such tender age of 4, children may be young but they are not stupid.

So why am I hesitant regarding my reply to her? We only have one living grandmother and she does not reside in America but most importantly hasn’t played an active role in our children’s lives.

Up till now it’s been ok and we do get by, our lives are busy with various other granny’s from our church who genuinely loves them. There is a part a grandparent plays in the lives of their children and I must admit that it is lacking in our children lives.

I don’t get bugged down by things that are out of my control; I comfort myself with the fact that at least we still have one that is living. My father is dead, both Adey’s parents are also late and none of them got to see our children. While it is not a source of sadness, it would have been nice to have them around to share some stories and family histories.

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Mentorship ~ Part 2

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the seriesMentorship

Whose Voice Will You Listen To? 

In my journey thru life, I have had many mentors. Others I have mentioned before and here are just a few more to show you how easy it is to seek out the right mentors for whatever stage you are in and how if this is applied, it will help you to achieve your life dream.

My heart desire is to be able to earn income from home while raising our young family. After working in the City of London for 16 years, which I enjoyed. I came to a conclusion that except you are pursuing your passion or doing something you truly love. You will always be searching for something else.  Your goals choose your mentors”.


Dave Ramsey – Financial Peace University  

One of the very first investments we made into our marriage was purchasing a DVD series of Financial Peace University.  One of the top reasons couple divorce is due to lack of joint financial vision and education. It’s important to start your marriage by having a unify vision for your finances.

We sat through the entire series by ourselves and we have avoided getting into financial debt because we have the same vision.

I didn’t have parents that gave me sound financial advice and that is no excuse for not seeking one for our marriage. Quit making excuses and get some mentoring.

Robert Kiyosaki – Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

A large part of Kiyosaki’s teachings focus on generating passive income by means of investment opportunities, such as real estate and businesses. Kiyosaki defines “assets” as things that generate cash inflow, such as rental properties or businesses—and “liabilities” as things that use cash on, such as houses, cars, and so on.

After reading Rich Dad Poor Dad, it opened my eyes in a new way and it gave me the confidence to basically go out and apply the concepts. I was studying accounting at the time and your home was defined as an asset, while Kiyosaki teaches that you house is not an asset. For the first time I realized that our homes was not an asset but a liability, this totally changed my way of thinking.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad changed the way I think about money, investment, cash-flow and why you should have multiple streams of income. I was able to put his teachings into practice; with lessons gleaned from the book and Robert Kiyosaki’s voice ringing in my head I was off to view my first rental property. Before I could say, “Bob is your uncle” I had bought and rented out my first rental property and started generating cash-flow.

I was able to do it a few times over, building a little nest egg for myself and feeling great in the process.

Who would you have to mentor you? A rich man or a poor man?

Faith that is without proofs is fake

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Mentorship ~ Part 1

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the seriesMentorship

Mentorship ~ Whose Voice Will You Listen To?

The world is full of mentors, just look around you.

I didn’t always have the wisdom to recognize them nor had the humility to learn from them. Everyone has a measure of pride, stubbornness or arrogance. I had my fair share of them too.

Whose voice inspires you? Whose voice are you listening to? Whose voice is going to make the difference in your life in 2011? It is up to you.

Mentors are very vital to achieving our life’s dream. You will never reach your dream without a mentor in your life. Without them we won’t get to enjoy the journey talk less of getting there.

A Mentor is someone that has walked the path you are about to embark on and they can hold you accountable to achieving what you set out to do.

I mentioned in this post how Bomi of helped me when I started Bukville. With little knowledge about blogging, after stalking her blog for weeks I reached out to her and she gave me priceless advice and encouragement.

I spent a lot of my time reading Jollynotes and seeing how she interacts with her followers. I saw that she really did care and it showed thru their banter. I love that she was also using her platform to share the good news in a nice and friendly way.

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Relationship Deal Breakers

Relationship Deal-Breakers – What are they?

Relationship deal breakers list are simply a list of things you wont put up with. It’s that simple; know the things you are willing to compromise on and those that are “non-negotiable.

Deal breakers are major difference in values and beliefs, red flags. They are boundary that people ought to set for themselves because they know that falling in love can make them do crazy things. 

The whole essence of dating is getting to know each other intimately. Use this time to find out more about them, their religious beliefs, family background, past relationship, core and moral beliefs etc

Far too many of us are spending unnecessary time in a relationship that simply isn’t working for you right now or in the long run. Don’t be afraid to ask the right questions, if they leave you after being direct then thank your lucky star. The right person for you will not be afraid of your questions or your being direct. They will value it and know that you are sincere in your pursuit of marriage.

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Singles Talk: The List Part 2

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the seriesThe List

While I understand that making a list is not for everyone, I am a detail-oriented person. Everyone must find what works for them and still commit it into God’s hands.

It’s also important to point out that you must be realistic and honest with thyself. You expectations must be realistic and not a fantasy. Your expectations must align with the future you envisioned in your mind.

A few good men fell by this list, they were not bad guys, they were not the one for me. Having my list and others experienced married women in my life helped me to stay focused. For by wise counsel you shall make your war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety Proverbs 24:6

My final list looks like this and they are also my deal-breakers!

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Singles Talk: The List

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the seriesThe List

I recently came across a program on VHI called  “What Chilli Wants”. What Chilli Wants is an American reality series on VH1 starring Chilli, one-third of the Grammy Award-winning R&B trio TLC. The show chronicles Chilli’s quest to find love with the help of Tionna T. Smalls, an author, relationship coach, a single mom and in her 30’s.

I have watched some episodes and I find it quite interesting and entertaining. Everyone seems to be giving Chilli a hard time for having a list.

What is wrong with having a list that guides and help you so you don’t make the same mistake as the past?

What is a list? It is simply a list of all the qualities you want in your partner. It helps you stay focused on your goals and make your dates more meaningful.

I am almost addicted to making a list; you all remember the simple list I mentioned here. I have a list for everything, to-do list, short-term goal, weekly shopping list, the list goes on and on.

In my 20’s I didn’t bother about making a list, all my focus was on Love. Yeah, there is nothing wrong with love but there is more to marriage than love. So it’s no surprise when I was ready to settle down in my 30’s, I got out my pen and paper and made a list. Over time my list have changed as I became more aware of what I really wanted.

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No Valentine Here

I am not big on Valentine’s Day but I like having my husband around all the time.

While like many others, I am missing my husband. I can’t help but spare a thought for others that are struggling around this time.

My thoughts are with all our military families who are separated from their husbands and wives defending our country. May God’s protection be with you and I pray for your safe return home.

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Happy 1 year Anniversary Bukville!

Hello Everyone!

Bukville is ONE-year-old, wow! How time flies when you are having fun and pursuing your passion.

It seems like just yesterday when I was struggling to make sense of what blogging is all about? Deciding between WordPress and Blogger, and how to set up a WordPress blog.

How we have come a long way from that, and as befitting on our 1-year anniversary we have moved to a self-hosting domain.  I hope it gives us more flexibility with what can be achieved as our plans and vision are enlarged.

How do you like the new look? I haven’t made up my mind yet on the final look and things may soon change around.  What is important to me is to make the site user-friendly and accessible to all.

Got any suggestions? Share them with me and I may just consider it. Thanks!

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Shine! It’s Your Time To Shine.

I came across a blog days ago and it just refreshes my soul and also reminded me of a promise I made to myself in 2007 to give myself the permission to SHINE.

We all need a little reminder from time to time, and since reading the blog, I have been reflecting all over again about that promise.

As a child, my mum told me that I was never shy at all. I am the last child that had to be dragged away from the school play kicking and screaming. I was the little girl that hugs the limelight at another’s child birthday party, which you would almost mistake for the celebrant.

Life happens and after one knock and several more, you start to shy away from your real self. Words spoken by others in anger can also crush us to the core. We refuse to take a leading role in our own lives and start playing the supportive role instead.

While there is nothing wrong with that, the time has come for you to stop hiding away and taking being humble to a ridiculous level. You are missing out in your moment of glory, your time to shine is being passed over to others simply because you have forgotten to give yourself the permission to shine and stand out of the pack.

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Comfort Zone – Leaving it behind

In a previous post, I mentioned how making a simple list helped to guide me and to stay focused on what I needed to do.

On that list was relocation to America. Relocating to America was not an easy decision for me; even though I know it was the right move for me.

London was more than a place of residence, it was my home. London represented my journey to being a woman. I had my first job and paycheck in London, I became a responsible daughter sending money to my mother in Nigeria. I gained my freedom in London, I rented my first room, then my first apartment and later I bought my very first home.

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A Letter To My Past

Dear Past, You have made me better, not bitter. Thanks for the lessons!

We have been friends long enough. Today, I have made a decision that we can no longer be friends. Your friendship has become a pain I can no longer bear. Your company is suffocating me. You have held me back long enough and today it ends!

Though you pretend to be a friend, you were also my oppressor and my prison. I will miss you but not for long. Don’t wait for my return. Don’t count on me running back to you again. This time my ship has set sail. The Lord is the captain of my ship. I will not return to my vomit.

The times that I have returned, I regretted it. You are no good for me and we can’t be friends. Friendship with you is enmity with God.

I will not choose you over God. I will not choose you over my destiny. Friendship with you is bondage!

How long will you hold me in bondage? The price of your friendship is just too much to pay. Yes, you have always been there, my loyal and painful friend.

You are my constant pity party, my comfort zone eating away at my confidence. You are the discouraging voice that won’t let me possess my future promises. The loudest and all too familiar voice in my head.

So long old pal. So long depression and bitterness. So long my all too familiar alter ego. So long misery and the loudest voice in my head. So long shame and shackle. So long comfort eating and overweight. So long loneliness and guilt.

Welcome my destiny, brighter may you shine. Welcome, God’s mercy and favor. Welcome clarity and honesty. Welcome forgiveness and growth. Welcome new testimonies and breakthrough. Welcome reconciliation and restoration. Welcome freedom, love, and truth. Welcome ME!