Common Mistakes Single Women Make Before Marriage

There are common mistakes we make before marriage that have consequences to our future happiness. Ignorance is not bliss and it’s very important to get the foundation right.

A building is only as strong as its foundation. So it stands to reason that a marriage that is built on shaky ground will soon start to show cracks. A right foundation sets the pace for a successful home. By wisdom is a house built and by understanding it is established (Prov. 24:3-4)
Starting off on the right foundation can make the difference to your future marriage. Success in marriage starts before a couple enters into engagement.  When preparation meets opportunity it’s a good formula for success.

For a lasting marriage, this means being grounded first and foremost in a life lived for Christ. 
 Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain that build it: unless the LORD keeps the city, the watchman wakes, but in vain (Ps 127:1)

So let’s talk about the common mistakes women make before marriage.

Do not move in with a man you are not married to – ever heard the expression of “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Don’t let a man move in with you – A man who wants to marry you should at least be able to lease an apartment when he is ready for marriage. Stop trying to be the man, let the man be the man. This may come back to haunt you later on.

Not Knowing Who You Are
Getting to know who you set the foundation which you can build your core values and life goals upon.  How can anyone truly know who you are if you are constantly evolving from multiple personalities? Having a sense of self; an identity helps in the process of attracting and elimination. Not know who you are will likely lead to settling for the wrong person, getting stuck in an unhappy marriage, and ultimately heading for the divorce court. 

Invest In Yourself
Even if you plan on being a SAHM, it is wise to have a career, a skill, a trade, something to fall back on. Life can be challenging and you may find the roles reverse later on and you may have to support your family.

The Pregnancy Trap
Having a child out-of-wedlock doesn’t guarantee that he will marry you. You can’t force a man to love you and he will eventually abandon you and the baby. While it may work initially, it won’t last and secretly he will despise you.

Sex Before Marriage
Dare to be different and let him wait. Don’t give it all away too soon. Even more so for those that are divorced and single parents.  It is God’s desire that sex should be practiced only in marriage. A man who loves God will wait and honor you.

Not Meeting The In-laws Beforehand.
Get to know your in-laws before you marry. You will be amazed by the information you may pick up by meeting them beforehand, which may help with your final decision.

With families living on different continents, this may be difficult. Make the trip if you can or spend some time on the phone with them.  Skype anyone?

Failure to Discuss Family’s Medical History
Any medical concerns and family history should be discussed before things get serious and you say I do. Don’t leave it to chance; it’s wrong and deceptive. This point alone may either seal or break the deal in choosing the right person to weather the storm of life with you.

Not Financially Secured
Marrying a man to improve your financial status is not marriage, its a Not knowing Make sure you are financially compatible. You may love each other, but are you marrying a spender or a saver?

Get Tested
Getting a blood test is essential especially for those of African descent. Sickle Cell is a big issue that cannot be ignored.  Get tested for STDs before you say “I do”. You don’t know where your partner has been. Most times they are not even aware that they have anything themselves.

Meet The Friends
Let your friends meet who you are dating before you get too serious. Your friends know you better and can serve as the voice of truth when you are infatuated.  You will be amazed what your friends can pick up on in just one sitting with him.

I Dethrone Myself

We are often the biggest obstacles to achieving our dreams and goals. As I reflect on my life, the struggles and many poor choices I made,  I know that I have contributed to some of the setbacks I had experienced.

In all honesty, I may have given the devil too much credit.  The biggest obstacle in my way was staring back in the mirror, ME!

With time comes maturity, wisdom, and acceptance. It’s easier for me to admit it to myself now. I believe some of my actions were not good; although my intentions may have been.  The Bible talks about the heart, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah.17:9, NASB.

Wrong thinking can take us to hell and back. Faulty reasoning can be ideas and misconceptions we believe. Many have missed their destiny because of wrong thinking that they believed was right at the time.

Our thoughts shape by our world whether they are right or wrong. Our thoughts have creative power, For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he – Proverbs. 23:7, KJB.

Even though I am part of the Royal family of God and co-creator with Him, I cannot take the place of the King of kings and Lord of lords.  I must give up the throne and take my rightful place at His feet.

I dethrone myself. I relinquish power to You
I surrender my life to You God, take your rightful place on your throne.
Rule and reign over every aspect of my life
Your throne is eternal.

You, O LORD, rule forever; Your throne is from generation to generation. (Lamentations 5:19 NASM)

The Journey Continues

We are all on this journey called life. We are all at different stages of our journey. Your journey, your life experiences and all the hiccups and frustrations are not coincidences, they are part of the process and not always going to be easy or fun; its evolution.

You haven’t come this far to give up now. You are not alone on the journey; there were others before you and more coming behind you. We are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1)

Sometimes it feels like no progress have been made. Thank God for people who are quick to remind us “you haven’t changed one bit”. What would you do without the critics?  

I have come a long way and so have you. You are not who you used to be. You are not where you once were. God is transforming you from the inside out.

Everyone has a different path. Follow the one God has for you.

We are all apprentices attempting to master the lessons from our journey through life.   

We make mistakes, learn and we get back up. What makes you fall today would have killed you in the past. So you are not perfect but who is?

Guard your heart; guard your ears to how and whom you listen to. Don’t allow the criticism from friends and family to bring back your old nemesis.

Our current stop is not our final destination; we are merely sojourners. While we are here everything will fail except the word of God. Our current body/tent will give in and becomes ashes and we hope to return home to God’ original plan.

Be encouraged; keep your sight firmly on the One who called you my “beloved”. The only One who knows the end from the beginning. that can take and give life. The invisible God that is mighty in battle and does visible things.

Take time out and remember God’s faithfulness and how far He has brought you.

What if the LORD had not been on our side when people attacked us? They would have swallowed us alive in their burning anger. (Psalm 124:2-3) NLT



Singles Talk: Beware of Counterfeit

Counterfeit means fake, imitation.  Some fakes are very, very good; but it can never be an original.  If you don’t know what an original looks like then you are more likely to buy into a counterfeit.

The counterfeit I am talking about is the one most women falls for when they are waiting for “the one”.

Ladies, the waiting time is a time to learn and to seek God for His plan for your life. This time is very precious and you must be very careful not to jump into a relationship out of desperation.

Not every man can embark on this life journey with you. It will take someone special and unique. If that is the case, then you deserve to take the time and chose wisely.

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Don’t Hate Your Critics

Everyone of us has one or two; they are called the critics. They seat in judgment of you, they are the judge and jury.

I’m no different from most people; I don’t like being criticized. Overtime I’ve learnt how to better deal with it now than in the past. Some criticism are good, especially if the source is credible.

Where can you find these people? They are everywhere–in your church, at work and especially within your family.

I have come to accept that as lovable as I think I am, not everyone will like me. That is all right, it’s important that I love myself and not allow others opinion to define me.    People opinions are subjective.

It’s just too easy to dislike your critics because they criticize you. You can’t go through life only hearing what you want to hear, you won’t grow in wisdom and maturity.

“If you have no critics you’ll likely have no success.” – Malcolm X

Critics are a very important part of your journey. You will not make it without them. They will help you get to your destination faster through their negative criticism; albeit painful.

You will not believe how much criticism I’ve received since I started blogging. Usually they are from someone “anonymous” and very few to my face. One of the rules I live by is “let’s agree to disagree”
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Who Is On Your Dream Team?

Have you heard the saying “No Man Is An Island’?

I recently took a break from blogging and one of the lessons I learned on my break is to build my “Dream Team”.

Even though I didn’t realize it, I was trying to do everything by myself and it was killing my body. As a new mom of 3, I found myself really struggling this time around. I have never felt this lethargic before in my life. I did consider maybe I was suffering from some sort of depression or hormonal imbalance.

It was just my body telling me to take time out and learn to ask for help. I have come to realize that I need a team of people to help me function effectively.

The idea of building a support team is nothing new to those in the corporate world and celebrities but to SAHM, working moms, singles or college students we don’t think of ourselves as needing a “Dream Team”.

You already have a team whether you acknowledge it or not. These are people you are paying for services rendered such as your Doctor, counselor, dentist, Nanny and Life Coach etc.

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Summer Blog Break

 I will be taking time off from blogging.

 Lately, I have been struggling trying to  juggle too many things at the same  time.

Luke 10:41 ~ Martha, Martha,” the Lord  answered, “you are worried and upset about    many things.

~ 42 ~ but only one thing is needed. Mary  has chosen what is better, and it will not be  taken away from her.”

 If you are looking for me, I will be on  my knees with the lover of my soul in  the secret place of the most High God.  

Ps 91:1 ~ He that dwells in the secret place  of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I am thirsty for the living waters, my soul pants for the Lord.

Isa55:1 ~ Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

2Chro 7:14 ~ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.


See you next month.

The Painful Truth About Divorce

Divorce is a devourer, meaning a curse and a destroyer. Two people who were once committed to building up a happy home are now jointly passionate about destroying all their hard work together.

The pain that comes from being divorced personally for me I cannot put into words. There are 2 witnesses to that kind of pain, God and the walls of your house.

Only God truly knows the depth of pain caused by divorce. If the walls could speak in homes all over the world where couples hide and cry in secret but yet presenting an “I’m ok” face to the world.

Wedding can be expensive and it is often our focus but divorce is very costly. The currencies are different though. When we are planning a wedding we usually have a budget for it but you cannot budget for the pain you will experience when going thru the awful experience of divorce.

“Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever. by Nora Ephron

You can easily pay off  debt accumulated from a lavish wedding by consolidating your debt, but from a divorce you cannot. The price you pay with is your self-esteem, shame, guilt, pride, your health, your mental state of mind, your friendships, your credit rating and FICO score, the respect from your children, your reputation, your relationship with God, broken family, depression, your future marriage, etc.

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Why You Must Deal With The Past

There are many reasons to deal with the past, below are 10 good reasons to confront the and be done with it.

This is a follow-up post to The Past – Dealing With The Past

1. It will always be brought up by the enemy/friends – It will be used against you and you need to be ready and be prepared for it. Expect it and it won’t surprise you when mud is being thrown at you but guess what, it won’t stick because you had taken the time to deal with it.

2. Learn and Grow – Learning from our past mistakes prepares us for a better future. Except you are prepared to be honest with yourself and take the time to learn the painful lesson now. You are most likely to repeat them again. Don’t pay the price twice.

3. Humility – If you truly learn from your painful past experiences then you are certainly full of humility. Those that are holier than thou are full of pride and arrogance. Pride leads to a fall but God lifts up the humble.

4. Help others – Out of your painful past experiences healing can come to others. If one life is touched by your painful experience then your job is done. I hate divorce with a passion and I pray that others can learn thru my experience and never had to go thru it.

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Are You Still Faking It?

I am not ashamed to admit there was a season in my life that I was faking it. And I almost lost myself in the process.

It is far easier to be authentic than be a fake. Back then, I never knew who I was going to be.  Back then I believed others were faking it too. How coo-coo (crazy) was that. 

We are shaped by our belief system, whether its wrong or right beliefs it shapes our view of the world.

If you knew me back then you never met the real me. You would have met Fake-Buky. My life was not going in the direction I liked, so I faked it. I faked being happy. I faked my life isn’t missing anything. I don’t need God, certainly not any man of all creatures. I was “miss super strong” I can do it by myself.

Even though on the inside, my world was crumbling gradually. I woke up daily and put on my game face. All dressed up wearing my “power suit” high-heel and a killer handbag to match. I would tell myself every morning “ITS SHOWTIME BABY”. The streets of London was my runway, I was strutting my way to work and back still faking it.

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Mind Your Own Business

The year was 2000, I was a member of Kingsway International Christian Centre (KICC) London. The Senior pastor Matthew Ashimolowo was preaching, it was New Year service and his message totally changed my outlook and set me on a different course for the rest of the year. I can’t remember exactly what the title of the sermon was but it was along the line “Mind Your  Own Business”.

It was more like a smackdown than a sermon that day. He continued to hammer on the fact that many of us would not achieve what we set out to achieve because we are busy-bodies and won’t mind our own business, always sticking our noses where it is not wanted, always giving advice when we don’t heed the same advice for ourselves.

The moment he said “giving advice to others but not using the same advice for yourself”. Boy did it strike a chord with me, its kind of like a doctor giving out health advice to patients but is overweight.  At the time, that kind of sums me up. I was dishing out advise that I was not applying to my own life.

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Hello Blogsville

Hello Everyone

It’s been a little while. I am returning from my self-imposed maternity leave.

So here is the 411 from mommy-land, adjusting to life as a mother of 3 is no joking matter. The past few weeks flew by so fast I am left wondering what has been happening in the real world?

Under normal circumstances I would have been glued to the TV watching the royal wedding. I got to see some of it but not much. Where was I when President Obama announced the death of Osama? I was snoozing happily on the sofa after Joshua finally allowed me to put him down.  It didn’t last long before Joshua woke me up again at midnight that is when I found out about Osama.

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A Mother’s Day Prayer

Wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope this prayers blesses you as much as I was on receiving them.

Below are collections of prayers sent to me on Mother’s Day and I am passing them forward to you all.

Beloved O daughter of Zion, you are like a nursing mother who cares for her own children. You will be joyful mothers and your children will be joyful children. You are blessed forever.

No one could ever take your place. You will live to enjoy the fruit of your labor. The joy of motherhood will never depart from you.

You are the nation’s greatest treasure, the Lord’s best helpers and the most blessed among women. You divide your time among your children but multiply your love for all of them. You add the care of the home by subtracting many extras in order to do these awesome tasks; with long life God will satisfy you.

Mothers, you’re wonderful women, so gentle and strong. You make the world beautiful. You can do five things at the same time. God has endowed you with good things in life. As you celebrate this special day, may the Lord bless you with a good gift that only He can give you.

May God continue to uphold you in your position? May God continue to grant you the grace to support, care and love your children. God will grant you wisdom to teach your child in the way of the Lord. May you enjoy the fruit of your labor.

Happy Mother’s Day to every woman; may your peace flow like a river and your righteousness like the sea waves. 

Marriage – The Voice Of GOD From Within

This is a guest post by Joshua T Caleb, author, speaker and fellow blogger. He is a writer with a message to transform your life so you can passionately live your life with purpose and passion.



The following is written for everybody. Whether you are married or planning on getting married or a single looking for Mr. or Ms. Right., whether you are male or female. Please consider it well.

Marriage – The Voice Of GOD From Within By Joshua Caleb

Marriage – What is it? Who ordained it?

Marriage is more than two people joining together to say “I Do”

Marriage involves more than romance, sex, any physical pleasure or even companionship.

There are billions of people on this earth, yet we choose that one person to spend the rest of our lives with. Or, was the person chosen for us?

Marriage is the voice of a being speaking from within you saying…

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Unto Us Joshua Is Born

Our little bundle of joy arrived 24th March 2011 weighing 7lb.01. We are grateful to God for this addition to our family. Our words are nothing compared to the joy we feel.

There are no words Lord, to say thank you. You are truly the covenant keeping God. You keep your words above your name; you are not a God that changes His mind. Your mercy and love overwhelms me. How can we ever thank you for all you have done.

You took pity on a messed up girl from Lagos, Nigeria. You saw my mess and shame; you wiped away my tears and my guilt. You gave me a new beginning and wiped out the handwriting of ordinances, which was against me; and You took it out of the way, nailing it to the cross. You have embarrassed me with your love.

Abba Father! There is nothing that I have done to ever deserve this great and mighty love that you have blessed us with. What the enemy meant for evil You turned it round for our good. Who can curse what You have blessed. You have used the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.

You are the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The God of Adey, Buky, Faith, David and Joshua. You are a God of covenant and relationship. The invincible God that does visible things.

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Grandparent For Hire

Lately, my daughter has started asking about her grandparents. Each time, she had taken me by surprise, and I haven’t figured what to tell her yet.

I try my very best always to tell her the truth. It important to establish a relationship based on honesty even at such tender age of 4, children may be young, but they are not stupid.

So why am I hesitant regarding my reply to her? We only have one living grandmother, and she does not reside in America.

Up till now, it’s been ok, and we do get by. Our lives are busy with various other grannies from our church who genuinely loves them. A grandparent plays a part, and I must admit that’s lacking in our children’s lives.

I don’t get bogged down by things that are out of my control; I comfort myself with the fact that we still have one. It would have been nice to have them around to share some stories and family histories.

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Mentorship ~ Part 2

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the seriesMentorship

Whose Voice Will You Listen To? 

In my journey thru life, I have had many mentors. Others I have mentioned before and here are just a few more to show you how easy it is to seek out the right mentors for whatever stage you are in and how if this is applied, it will help you to achieve your life dream.

My heart desire is to be able to earn income from home while raising our young family. After working in the City of London for 16 years, which I enjoyed. I came to the conclusion that except you are pursuing your passion or doing something you truly love. You will always be searching for something else.  Your goals choose your mentors”.


Dave Ramsey – Financial Peace University  

One of the very first investments we made into our marriage was purchasing a DVD series of Financial Peace University.  One of the top reasons couples divorce is due to lack of joint financial vision and education. It’s important to start your marriage right by having a unified vision for your finances.

We sat through the entire series by ourselves and we have avoided getting into financial debt because we have the same vision.

I didn’t have parents that gave me sound financial advice and that is no excuse for not seeking one for our marriage. Quit making excuses and get some mentoring.

Robert Kiyosaki – Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

A large part of Kiyosaki’s teachings focuses on generating passive income by means of investment opportunities, such as real estate and businesses. Kiyosaki defines “assets” as things that generate cash inflow, such as rental properties or businesses—and “liabilities” as things that you spend cash on, such as houses, cars, and so on.

After reading Rich Dad Poor Dad, it opened my eyes in a new way and it gave me the confidence to basically go out and apply the concepts. I was studying accounting at the time and your home was defined as an asset, while Kiyosaki teaches that your house is not an asset. For the first time I realized that our homes was not an asset but a liability, this totally changed my way of thinking.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad changed the way I think about money, investment, cash flow, and why you should have multiple streams of income. I was able to put his teachings into practice; with lessons gleaned from the book and Robert Kiyosaki’s voice ringing in my head I was off to view my first rental property. Before I could say, “Bob is your uncle” I had bought and rented out my first rental property and started generating cash flow.

I was able to do it a few times over, building a little nest egg for myself and feeling great in the process.

Who would you have to mentor you? A rich man or a poor man?

Faith that is without proofs is fake

Toni Turner – A Beginner’s Guide To Day-Trading Online

Over 2 years ago my dream of earning an income from home became a reality. By investing in a beginner’s guide, with my research and my trusted mentor the Holy Spirit I placed my first trade, and before you know it I was making 5 figures. Right from our dining room table, while changing dirty diapers.

This book played a vital part in walking me thru the entire stages of trading online.  I am not an expert in this field and as for a novice; I am not doing too badly. I don’t intend to work outside our home now and in the near future.

No man is capable of self-improvement if he sees no other model but himself.
– Conrado Generoso

The Bible

The Bible is the world’s bestseller and the No.1 book that I can’t do without. It goes with me everywhere. There are different versions and translations and I have acquired quite a few of them. Find the best version for yourself.

The bible is our guide as Christians and it can be applied to every area of our lives, only if we take the time to read it. The bible cannot be read like any other book, it will take the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to help you see the revelation in the Word.

The great thing about the bible are the major players; they are imperfect ordinary people that God called and transformed their lives to do extraordinary things. This tells me that I qualify for the same transformation, great news! What about you?

The Holy Spirit

My secret weapon, my silent helper that is never wrong. It takes time and willingness to fellowship with Him to understands how He speaks to you. We have a mentor who knows all things and his name is the Holy Spirit. He guides me in all my risky ventures and my husband is able to trust and support me in my pursuit of them. God gave us a helper that helps us in our discernments; I won’t embark on anything without His guidance.  By far the Holy Spirit is my ultimate secret weapon, the invisible Helper that is mostly ignored even by myself. He is also free to all who are willing to open up their hearts!

My Pastor – Lucie Needham

Lucie Needham has taught me more about being a woman of God than anyone else. Just by watching her up close, she is a wife, mother, teacher, and head of a daycare, and is full of the love of God. In the last 5 years, I have had the pleasure to be part of their ministry and also serve under their leadership. I have learned far more from her about how to walk the love walk, how to adorn my outward appearance, complementing and supporting my husband in ministry. I am still learning even more.

We don’t do “lunch” or “hang out” because her time is precious. I love it just that way, it helps me to be able to honor her and I am able to learn much more from her just by watching. I have learned to know my place and position; it helps not to get things confused.

“I’ve learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I Am”. -Andy Rooney

There is someone in your life today that will play a key role in your life. Ask them, what do you have to lose? Let’s put our pride aside and match forward to accomplish all that we can.

Is there something you are passionate about but don’t know how to go about it? Then it’s time for you to seek out a mentor.  There are some life lessons you will never be taught at school and only thru a mentor or spending time reading books or seeking the right kind of knowledge apt for your needs.

While stock trading and real estate are not for everyone. Discover what your passion is and pursue it this year. There is nothing new under the earth and you can always find someone who has done it before.

There is no excuse for not pursuing your passion this year, once you figure it out; seek out someone to mentor you and find a simple book to help guide you. “ A mind is a terrible thing to waste”

In conclusion

A misconception about mentors that I used to have that has since changed. You don’t have to be friends with your mentors, it helps but it is not necessary. You as the protégé are there to learn all you can from them.  Use your time wisely and learn all you can; value your mentor time as precious. They won’t always be in your life forever, enjoy your season with them.

Don’t seek mentorship if you are not ready to put your pride aside and are not teachable. Time is far too precious to be wasted on those that are not ready!

Have you discovered your passion yet?

How do you intend to go about it this year?

You will be the same person you are now five years from today, except for the people you meet and the books you read.” – Unknown. 

Mentorship ~ Part 1

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the seriesMentorship

Mentorship ~ Whose Voice Will You Listen To?

The world is full of mentors, just look around you.

I didn’t always have the wisdom to recognize them nor had the humility to learn from them. Everyone has a measure of pride, stubbornness or arrogance. I had my fair share of them too.

Whose voice inspires you? Whose voice are you listening to? Whose voice is going to make the difference in your life in 2011? It is up to you.

Mentors are very vital to achieving our life’s dream. You will never reach your dream without a mentor in your life. Without them we won’t get to enjoy the journey talk less of getting there.

A Mentor is someone that has walked the path you are about to embark on and they can hold you accountable to achieving what you set out to do.

I mentioned in this post how Bomi of helped me when I started Bukville. With little knowledge about blogging, after stalking her blog for weeks I reached out to her and she gave me priceless advice and encouragement.

I spent a lot of my time reading Jollynotes and seeing how she interacts with her followers. I saw that she really did care and it showed thru their banter. I love that she was also using her platform to share the good news in a nice and friendly way.

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Relationship Deal Breakers

Relationship Deal-Breakers – What are they?

Relationship deal breakers list are simply a list of things you won’t put up with. It’s that simple; know the things you are willing to compromise on and those that are “non-negotiable.

Deal breakers are the major difference in values and beliefs, red flags. They are boundaries that people ought to set for themselves because they know that falling in love can make them do crazy things.

The whole essence of dating is getting to know each other intimately. Use this time to find out more about the other person, their religious beliefs, family background, past relationship, and personal values, etc.

Far too many of us are spending unnecessary time in relationships that simply aren’t working for us right now or in the long run. Don’t be afraid to ask the right questions, if they leave you after being direct then thank your lucky star. The right person for you will not be afraid of your questions. They will value it and know that you are sincere in your pursuit of marriage.

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Singles Talk: The List Part 2

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the seriesThe List

While I understand that making a list is not for everyone, I am a detail-oriented person. Everyone must find what works for them and still commit it into God’s hands.

It’s also important to point out that you must be realistic and honest with thyself. You expectations must be realistic and not a fantasy. Your expectations must align with the future you envisioned in your mind.

A few good men fell by this list, they were not bad guys, they were not the one for me. Having my list and others experienced married women in my life helped me to stay focused. For by wise counsel you shall make your war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety Proverbs 24:6

My final list looks like this and they are also my deal-breakers!

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