Relationship Deal Breakers

Relationship Deal-Breakers – What are they?

Relationship deal breakers list are simply a list of things you won’t put up with. It’s that simple; know the things you are willing to compromise on and those that are “non-negotiable.

Deal breakers are the major difference in values and beliefs, red flags. They are boundaries that people ought to set for themselves because they know that falling in love can make them do crazy things.

The whole essence of dating is getting to know each other intimately. Use this time to find out more about the other person, their religious beliefs, family background, past relationship, and personal values, etc.

Far too many of us are spending unnecessary time in relationships that simply aren’t working for us right now or in the long run. Don’t be afraid to ask the right questions, if they leave you after being direct then thank your lucky star. The right person for you will not be afraid of your questions. They will value it and know that you are sincere in your pursuit of marriage.

Once you identify what your relationship deal breakers are then there is no point in continuing the relationship to the point of marriage. Stop investing precious time in dead relationships.

Why waste time in a relationship where your values are not aligned and the marriage is doomed to failure?

Are you trying to break your old patterns? Then it’s time for you to take a hard look at yourself, your needs, and your relationship deal-breakers. If not you will keep repeating those old patterns.

Set your boundaries and abide by them. Make your commitments to yourself; you’ll be a happier person.

One of the advantages of being a little older and wiser is, it makes you more confident and not afraid to ask for what you want. You also value and appreciate your time more. You know who you are and won’t allow someone to lead you down the wrong path.

So don’t be afraid to speak up and be who you are. Stop faking it and give the real you a voice. A real man loves a real woman.

Too many people don’t know what they really want in a relationship. They simply like the idea of being in one but they are not clear on the specifics.

Here is an example for you. So you meet a guy that you truly love. Then you find out that he loves watching porn and he is in debt up to his eyeballs. If your non-negotiables are no porn or no excessive debt, then keep walking.

Things will not get better once you are married, they will only get worse. And why should he change after marrying you? What is the incentive?

Some of your deal-breakers can be spotted on day one while others are not; others you will have to be direct and ask for. Things such as smoking, drinking, and using curse words can be easily spotted.

“Give people time to show you who they really are. Every actor will eventually come out of character”.

Listen and pay attention to what is being said, don’t just make assumptions. If he says he wants to be friends and may settle down at some point in the future. He is simply saying I am not ready to commit to you and wants to be friends. Stop trying to “pray him ready”.

While praying is not a bad thing, respect his free will. Also, you have enough friends and don’t need more, keep walking!

Personally for moi, I had a list of deal-breakers that I refused to compromise on. It helped with the process of elimination.

I cannot submit or respect someone with low standards, even if he’s a born-again Christian.

“If your high standards scare them away you should be scared of their low standards”.

About Buky

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager, loves sharing practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.


  1. Dear Buky, I have really enjoyed this piece. It took my mind back to the list i had made when I was younger and felt i was ready to settle down. It really pays to have one and have high standards. Young ladies should not be afraid to say what they trully want. I know that many lives will be touched by this piece, well done and remain blessed.

  2. Thanks, being following this topic and it just convinces me further that i am on the right track concerning somethings.I was getting scared that i was aiming to high and asking for too much.,
    Thanks what a wonderful piece.

    • Amira, I am glad that you will be sticking by your guns too. It is better to be wrong by the decisions you make than allowing others to lead your wrong. Hab 2:3 -“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.

  3. Wow….so true. Deal breakers are just so important and you are right…they can easily be spotted on the first day. Deal breakers would be Your faith, plans to settle down, desire for children etcetera…I have seen so marriages broken up because the partners kept ignoring the deal breakers – but you know what they say: the battle you fail to fight today will be fought another day.

  4. Learnt something new.

    • Cella, knowing that you were able to learn something new from this post made my day!

      • I also did recommend your website to a friend, and she thanked me for it. You’re such an inspiration to married & single ladies.
        P.S; I used a phrase here on my bbm profile, cos it made so much sense. “If your high standards scare them away you should be scared of their low standards”. I’ll keep thanking you cos you dont know how much you inspire me. Thank you!

      • Thank you for spreading the word. I get a lot of my quote from twitter by following these guys @iamstevewhyte, @teracarissa, and @pastorypj to mention just a few.

        I do modify their quotes to match my post.

  5. If we will not compromise on the standards of what we want in the other, we absolutely need not endure what we know we simply cannot live with.

    • “Maturity is the ability to delay immediate gratification for greater good in the future”.

      “Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes.”

  6. I am sharing this with the singles I know. Thanks for it.

  7. Dealbreakers, I so need this now , thank you. they are very necessary in a relationships, even when the flesh is crying out for pleasure , boundaries have to be set. Sister, thank you for this

  8. DOZ aka Purpleicious babe

    I like “If your high standards scare them away you should be scared of their low standards”. This statement is straight to the point… period.. No compromising…. God is good.

    • DOZ. Hey GIrl, what is happening with you. I missed you and i trust all is well in your world.

      It is important that we strive for high standards, find someone that fits where you are going… not just where you are.

  9. Some deal breakers I have come across many women have a lot of trouble keeping to when love takes over. Absolutely no hitting me – for whatever reason. Absolutely no cheating – for whatever reason. I have them on my list now….

  10. And this also works for every kind of relationship. Buky, thank you for sharing this nuggets. I especially love the last phrase.

  11. Aaaaw….you made me tear-up! I cried so hard when i read this, you have such an amazing story to your life. I’m so happy for you! Your son weighed same as my son at birth…I love him *kisses*. Buky you say it as it is! You don’t mince words, never! I feel like writing more, but i may have to stop here, cos i’m too excited to keep writing. May God make Joshua a bundle of Joy &Greatness to your family. Congratulations on the new addition!!! :)

  12. lol @ “pray him ready” I’ve done that so many times in the past to no avail…smh. Thank God for wisdom…we live and we learn!

  13. After nearly a year of reading this post, I STILL LOVE IT! Thanks Buky! (I want to be just like you :)

  14. Pingback: So You Want To Get Married? | Buky Ojelabi

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