Relationship deal breakers list are simply a list of things you wont put up with. It’s that simple; know the things you are willing to compromise on and those that are “non-negotiable.
Deal breakers are major difference in values and beliefs, red flags. They are boundary that people ought to set for themselves because they know that falling in love can make them do crazy things.
The whole essence of dating is getting to know each other intimately. Use this time to find out more about them, their religious beliefs, family background, past relationship, core and moral beliefs etc
While I understand that making a list is not for everyone, I am a detail-oriented person. Everyone must find what works for them and still commit it into God’s hands.
It’s also important to point out that you must be realistic and honest with thyself. You expectations must be realistic and not a fantasy. Your expectations must align with the future you envisioned in your mind and can see thru the eye of faith.
A few good men fell by this list, they were not bad guys but they were not the one for me. Having my list and others experienced married women in my life helped me to stay focused. For by wise counsel you shall make your war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety Pro 24:6
I recently came across a program on VHI called “What Chilli Wants”. What Chilli Wants is an American reality series on VH1 starring Chilli, one-third of the Grammy Award-winning R&B trio TLC. The show chronicles Chilli’s quest to find love with the help of Tionna T. Smalls, an author and relationship coach.
She is also a single mom and in her 30’s. I have watched some episodes and I find it quite interesting and entertaining. Everyone seems to be giving Chilli a hard time for having a list.
While Adey and I were courting, we saw each other on and off about 5 times before I eventually move to America to plan our wedding. I was living in London while we were dating and I paid for all my travelling expenses. It never occurred to me to ask him and he didn’t offer to pay for my flight either.
In all honesty I figured that once I am in, I will be greatly reimbursed for all my costs, lol. For real too, I wanted babies and a happy marriage as my reimbursement. (Which he’s awesomely doing) Not cash and gift that I would spend in no time (that he’s also doing) and didn’t have any lasting value.
So this was what happened to my girl friend, she met Mr. Right (me think) but he didn’t offer to pay for her flight or any of her travelling expenses and she was not happy about it. She also felt that he should be calling more; she didn’t try too hard herself because she believed that was his job.
To cut a long boring story short, she dropped him. Who was at fault? What really are the rules of long distance dating?
So I was at a stage in my life that I had everything else going for me except for one thing. Marriage. I was in my mid-30’s and that was the only thing missing from my life. I didn’t want another career or another weight loss idea. I didn’t need a manicure, a pedicure, or a designer bag. I didn’t want another expensive holiday. Not even more money could fill that yearning that I had to be married and have children.
When you are ready, you know it. You no longer feel like hanging with your single friends. Yet at the same time you feel out of place when you’re your married friends.
You start wondering, “What else is there to do that I haven’t done before?” You don’t want to go clubbing. You’re tired of being the only friend that’s being set up with another single brother.
You know that he is out there but don’t have a clue how to go about finding him. Well that was me six years ago. If this sounds like you KEEP READING.
Why discuss in-laws before marriage?
In-laws come with the marriage, whether you like it or not. It is like living in Texas, you do not have a choice about the sales tax, and you just pay it.
When you marry, you do not only marry that person you get the entire family. You just cannot ignore that these people exist; you are going to have a form of relationship with them. If only because it makes your partner happy knowing how important they are to him.
Deal with it, your partner did not fall from the sky, someone gave birth to him, loved him, nurtured him and he will not be the person that he is today without those people in his life. Just like you have parents that love and care for you, same goes for him too.
What kind of dance do they have in mind, is it the Tango, Waltz, Quickstep or the Paso Doble? This is the time to lay it all down, what you will and will not engage in.
Sex should be between a man and a woman, but you may be surprised to find out that your Christian FP also thinks it’s okay to bring visual aids; such as porn or making your own “home movies” into your marital bedroom. You need to know right now before you say “I Do”. We are all at different levels in our walk of faith; do not ever assume that because they are believers they do not have an obscure way of thinking.
Men do not talk much as we all know; men are so very different from women (thank God!). A man may not offer to tell you some personal information that a woman would consider relevant. Therefore, what is relevant to a woman is not necessarily so to a man.
Asking the right questions will eliminate some of the confusion that will surely arise later after the wedlock.
Don’t get me wrong marriage is great, i am very happy with mine, there are some truth to marriage that are not told. Most times you will only find out during divorce how miserable their relationship was, even though at the time they carried on the appearance of perfect couple!