Friends Or Frenemies – Part 1

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the seriesFriends Or Frenemies

Today (21 November), I had an emotional melt down plus a pity party. I have had better days than today and I am glad it is over. It is one thing to have an emotional melt down but plus a pity party? That is a sad combination.

So what happened? My husband who some of you know is also my best friend has been working abroad for the last 12 days. I miss him and I am tired along with being pregnant. I considered myself to be a strong person so I am just going to blame everything on my hormones (denial).

Yes, I am pregnant and at home with 2 toddlers under the age of 4yrs old. I love being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) and I usually cope well when hubby is away. Still, play along with me since I am blaming everything on my hormones (denial again)

I woke up really tired and tried getting ready for church, the children were not co-operating or so it seems. I decided maybe it was best we stayed home instead.

Out of nowhere and without notice, I just felt really sad and alone. I started weeping and I was just down on myself for no reason.

The truth is in the last12 days since hubby left, I have had less human contacts and very few contact with the outside world. My phone hardly rings and when I had tried to reach some friends and family I was greeted with their voicemail and my calls were not returned.

My cyber-friends have been great though, but let’s be real we need real friends in the real world. That human contact is very important to our social and mental development.

Once I was able to get a grip of myself, I sent the only person in the world I want to hold me and give me a hug a long text message. Adey, my darling husband and my rock; he immediately called me and listened to all my ranting and raving. He listened and allowed me to get it off my chest and he did what he is best at. Being my lover and my best friend, he told me to take it easy and chill out and he will be home soon.

Then he asked me a question. If I had told those 2 people that did called me how important their calls meant to me? Huh I thought? No I didn’t think of doing that I replied. He told me to do just that once we’re finished talking and to not make any rash and quick decisions about others.

The truth is we are all busy people and sometimes we are all wrapped up in our own life and don’t have time for others.

Honestly, the past 5 years for me, had been about me, me and me. I am driven about the things that are important to me. My main focus had been my relationship with God, my husband and my children. While those are not bad things to focus on, life is all about balances and seasons. This I know about very well but on a bad day, believe me common sense is not so common.

We all need a friend or two; it is good for our social and mental development. If you think that you can do without one, go ahead and give it a try!

So once I was calmed and thinking right, I called and texted those 2 people and expressed my gratitude for their friendship and love.

Then I started doing some thinking about what kind of friend I had been to others. It is so easy to assume that you have been a great friend to others while you have not been.

There is a famous saying “If you want to be a friend, you have to show yourself friendly”. So I have been doing a little soul searching myself and I wonder if you have had such a day as I did today? How did you deal with it and what lessons did you learn?

Depending on where you are on this journey of life will determine how much friendship you require. As a SAHM it can sometimes be isolating because you spend more time with toddlers (in my case) more than I do with adults. So I have to make more effort in staying in touch with friends.

There are different types of friendships and we need to be honest and take it for what it is. You are not going to be best buddies with everyone and not everyone is going to like you.

Wherever you find yourself, you still need friendship and that human interaction is so important to our wellbeing.

Why does friendship go wrong?

We’ve all had friends in and out of our lives; look back at the beginning of 2010. How many of the friends you started the year with are still friends with you now? You are probably wondering what happened? I am wondering the same too!

Could it be that you are reaping what you sow? Or you are not much of a good friend that you thought you were? Well these are some of the thought going through my mind. How about you?

Well, don’t cry over spilled milk. It is part of life; you win some and you lose some. Some friendships are just for a season while other can be for a lifetime.

In any case both good and bad friendship teaches us something. What lessons are you going to take from your friendship? Just don’t focus on the bad aspect of your relationship, but remember the good times too.

Sometimes until we walk in our friends shoes then we can truly understand why they behaved the way they did.

If you are feeling lonesome this season please reach out to others that may be feeling lonesome too. Don’t isolate yourself and have a meltdown or pity party like I did. Believe me it is not fun having a party by yourself, lol.

Reaching out to others is a great way of forgetting about your problem and making others happy is so fulfilling. Call a friend today and tell them how much you appreciate them, don’t leave it till tomorrow. Go and do it NOW!!

That was what I did and I feel super special and back to my young self again. I wrote this post while the children are having their nap time; it is nice and quite too!!

In part 2 – we are going to discuss different types of friendship.

Series NavigationFriends or Frenemies – Part 2 >>

About Buky

Buky is a ''Desperado after God". She is married to Adey and together they are raising 3 amazing children. She is a natural encourager, loves sharing practical experiences with others. She enjoys writing, reading, dabbling in stock trading, hanging out with friends and serving the body of Christ.


  1. Nice read! I often get really busy sometimes and forget to call my friends. People who are truly your friend will understand that your not calling doesn't meant you don't care. I will make sure i try to call and return most of my friends calls this week, including my sister who has called me about twice in the past two days.:-)

    • EBD, I know what you mean, even I have to do better at returning calls and calling my dear friends! I use the children as excuse simply because as soon as I get on the phone they start kicking off, Lol.
      Yes, call up your sister and friends too. Thanks for your support always!

  2. Nice piece,Buky. I really understand the pity party thing, I am having one myself. I just had a miscarraige three days ago and i am feeling so down. The sense of loss is just so overwhelming. I called a friend and told her and was so surprised that she was in my house so fast. It really helps to have friends to share stuff with. I am feeling much better after a long talk with my friend. U have given me another reason to perk up; u r pregnant! I love hearing good news. I read ur piece and actually smiled. Tanks for sharing this, u don't know the good feeling i received from just reading this. Tanx once again,sweet friend. God bless u and urs in Jesus name,Amen.

    • Ety, I am sorry to hear that you are goin thru a difficult time, you are in my thots and prayers. It was great speaking to you today and I know that you will pull thru because your faith is firmly in Christ.
      As you are rejoicing with us regarding our goodnews, I pray that Almighty God will also give us the opportunity to rejoice with you soon. Stay strong my friend.

  3. Hi Buky:)! Congratulations on being pregnant – wishing you a healthy, joyful and safe 9months and beyond..amen.

    I absolutely agree- friends are sooo important, and yes, if you need a friend,then be a friend – I certainly agree.

    However pregnancy hormones can make you feel really sorry for yourself sometimes, everything just seems escalated so I won't necessarily rule that out:)…

    Very glad to know you feel better though.

    Love & Blessings,


  4. I think this was really meant for me to teach me a valuable lesson. This past Saturday, i was in my bathroom and you came to my mind to give you a buzz. I procrastinated since i was getting ready to go somewhere and maybe – just maybe if i had called you, you would not have that pity party. A big lesson learned here and i am so sorry for letting you pity party all by yourself. I will surely call you today!

    • Blimey, sweet and dearest friend, thank you for thinking of me and great talking to you today. What a great laugh we had too. That happens to me all the time, meaning to call a friend and before I know the day is gone. We sisters understand alrighty!

  5. Oh my sweet friend! I'm in your old home town of London UK and am thinking of you! Sorry for the tough time while hubby is away, but give yourself a break, ok! You are seriously stretched and holding the weight of the family on your own for a while. It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you are loved for sure! Gonna call you on skype now:)

    • She she! All the way from London Uk, ahahahha. YAY, great talking to you girl. Thanks girlfriend, see you back on this side soon. Dont bring back that London weather with you, LOL

  6. Hi Bukky, in response to this blog; I must applaud your openness, forthrightness and sheer honesty! These are extremely rear qualities in our world today. Thank you from sharing straight from the heart. God bless you and yours!

    You did say men don’t participate in these discussions and it’ll be nice to get men’s view, I for one believe now that if we don’t participate, it’s our loss. For that reason I have decided to engage my network on this blog, watch out they are coming!!!

    Oh, congratulations on being pregnant may the Lord’s grace keep and protect you throughout the term and beyond. Stay blessed.

    • Akin, thank you for your continuous contribution to the blog, Yes we want more male perspective! Cheers to Men!!!!

      Amen my brother! Stay blessed too.

  7. buky you have a ministry this are well spoken from the heart,is not about what people say but about God that's intrested in using demaged goods in us and brings the best out of us.Keep preaching pastor.

  8. Dear Buky,

    I am new to your blog. My friend recommended that I read your blog. All I can say is that your words resonate in the hearts of many a SAHM. I am very impressed by your candour and for a Nigerian it is quite refreshing to say the least. I read your latest blog and thought to myself, Wow, there writes a real heart sharing her pain and joys'. I applaud you for your courage and your tenacity in penning your thoughts, even though you are caring for two toddlers and carrying another within you. This is phenomenal.

    Have you read the poem entitled 'Phenomenal Woman' by Maya Angelou? You personify her well. I do pray that your hubby knows he has a gem in his house. I will be keeping a keen eye out for your words as the days go by. Thank you for the courage to be yourself. Shalom sister.

    • Yey Welcome The Scribe, so glad to have you around for the first time. God blessings on your friend for recommending my blog. I hope you find lots of real life experiences that you can identify with and learn from.
      I have never heard of "Phenomenal Woman’ by Maya Angelou" before, so I google it and wow, thanks for sharing that with me. I am going to put it on my wall and remind myself that "I am a Phenomenal Woman".

      Here is the poem for all my other sisters out there that are "Simply Phenomenal Women"

      Phenomenal Woman

      Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
      I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
      But when I start to tell them,
      They think I'm telling lies.
      I say,
      It's in the reach of my arms
      The span of my hips,
      The stride of my step,
      The curl of my lips.
      I'm a woman
      Phenomenal woman,
      That's me.

      I walk into a room
      Just as cool as you please,
      And to a man,
      The fellows stand or
      Fall down on their knees.
      Then they swarm around me,
      A hive of honey bees.
      I say,
      It's the fire in my eyes,
      And the flash of my teeth,
      The swing in my waist,
      And the joy in my feet.
      I'm a woman
      Phenomenal woman,
      That's me.

      Men themselves have wondered
      What they see in me.
      They try so much
      But they can't touch
      My inner mystery.
      When I try to show them
      They say they still can't see.
      I say,
      It's in the arch of my back,
      The sun of my smile,
      The ride of my breasts,
      The grace of my style.
      I'm a woman

      Phenomenal woman,
      That's me.

      Now you understand
      Just why my head's not bowed.
      I don't shout or jump about
      Or have to talk real loud.
      When you see me passing
      It ought to make you proud.
      I say,
      It's in the click of my heels,
      The bend of my hair,
      the palm of my hand,
      The need of my care,
      'Cause I'm a woman
      Phenomenal woman,
      That's me.

      Maya Angelou

  9. Very touching! Written from the heart..just hold on a while Buky..hubby will be back before you know it…pls give the babies a hug kiss from their aunty in SA..

  10. Hi Buky, congrats and at the same time we understand the feeling especially in your state….(agadinwayi)lol

    Lovely piece poured out with all sense of sincerity. We all do have our pity days when nothing seems to be right at all. For some talking to friends(hubby, in the case our dear buky….lol) like you did does the magic while for others something else does it, so its better one knows what does the magic so as to get out of the horrible state of mind on mind.

    Take care n God bless!!!

  11. Hello Buky,

    Congratulations! The Lord will see you through to full term. It must be a roller-coaster ride especially with two toddlers. I agree with Bomi about 'pregnancy hormones' but it's well.

    Thanks for your candor. We learn so much when others share their hearts.

    Keep keeping on.

  12. thank you for this insight.
    i read a book that spoke about it some while ago and after this i tried as much as possible to say thank you to anyone who takes their time to call me.
    its easy to forget sometimes so thanks for remind us.
    i pray that God is your strength.

  13. I wish I'd discovered this site before I started my business. I would have avoided a lot of costly errors.

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